Well, the downstairs is cleaned. I still need to vaccum upstairs and clean the bathroom. Eric’s room is also cleaned. I hid some of his stuff (ie drugs(I think it’s just Vicatin) and his condoms). I’m sure mom knows that he isn’t a virgin, but I bet she doesn’t know that he’s had sex in the house.
Hmmm…Our household is….not the household that it used to be. I remember when I was younger when our house in Korea was like Camelot. My dad was respected by all. I knew because of all the plaques and awards in his office at home. My mom was a queen, beautiful and regal. I remember watching her at home when gues would come over and recieve the gifts and praises due to her.
Has the oldest son of the royal family, I watched my parents, learning the ways of royalty, being the good son that I was expected to be and to carry on with the family legacy. My brother, being the youngest, was the spoiled baby of the family. I guess I was spoiled to, but I was a picky spoiled child; I would only let myself be spoiled with the expensive and good stuff. My brother was not has discerning. But it wasn’t like we were brats or anything. I think that we were pretty good kids growing up. There were kids a lot worse than up.
Now I look at our family. My father is still respected by his peers. My mother still gets tribute from those that she knows. But somehow I feel like our family has been dislodged from the place that we are suppose to be at. My brother has totally lost his way; hopefully he has found the path again on his trip around the U.S. building houses with his church group.
And me…I feel that my parents have this blind faith with me sometimes. Like they realize that both of their children have failed, compared to other Korean children. With my brother, they have almost given up hope with him. With me, it’s like they have locked their perception of me and think that I am still 21 or something, almost ready to finish school even though I will be 27 next year and going into my 9th year of college.
When I finally finish with school, my mom wants me to move up here in Washington. I wonder if I will get the chance. My body still hasn’t gotten over the cold that I have had for almost a month now. I think that it serious shit that I’m in. I think that my self destructive actions of the present and the past have finaly caught up to me. I guess the Tiger cannot always be lucky.
Throughout the years, I have consistently wished for two things in my live; to be happy and to die. Now that I have had one of those wishes come true, I wonder if now the other wish is manifesting itself?
**sigh** Something to meditate on while I clean the bathroom.
Current mood: contemplative
Current music: Listening to a Korean Game show on the TV with my mom
A 40-something rediscovering life in California