Having lunch at Favelas in Vacaville. With facemasks abound it’s an interesting time to eat out. It’s all about outdoor dining for the smaller restaurants, so I know ill be getting hard looks for taking up a table of four regardless of how much I tip.
I feel that it’s more quiet with the Covid restrictions in effect. Don’t get me wrong, there is def noise abound with the outside traffic of the vehicles driving by. But the lack and limit of outdoor seating has muted much of the sounds I usually hear eating out.
I guess one good think from this is that I don’t have to see as many couples and families around me and fight the anger and jealousy that usually occurs. But it does put a limit of the people watching I can do. Just quick bursts from the people walking by instead of a detailed expose of the couple and their newborn child like normal.
So there is an … initiative at the lab where I work at that at 11am on Thursday we are suppose to take 30min to practice mindfulness and do something for us. And while I can appreciate mindfulness, 11am on a work day is horrible. Way too much going on just to drop everything and meditate or play the drums. Easier to do on the east coast since it’s 1pm, so I decided to move my time to 1pm also.
So here I am journaling for my half hour. I am pretty miserable right now. Off the prescription drugs, sugar levels are probably running rampant, if the number of times I go pee is any indication. Hiding in my room to avoid Gaby while she is ravaging. Still don’t know what got
This image captures a small portion of the Cygnus Loop supernova remnant. The Cygnus Loop marks the edge of a bubble-like, expanding blast wave from a colossal stellar explosion that occurred about 15,000 years ago. #Hubble30
Laying in my room not going to sleep. Listening to trigger me with his whining. Jealous of being online. Wanting to cut myself to feel something. Seems like I’ve been asking the same question for 20 years now and not finding an answer. Or just ignoring the answer. I have an answer, but apparently it’s the wrong one. Sigh, in two weeks my psych can remind me why it’s the wrong answer.
Trying to crawl out the pit that I’m in. It’s good that I’ve stop digging for the most part. But even with friends, getting out will be difficult at best. Should I be satisfied that I stop digging and learn to live in this hole that I’ve dug for myself?