Category Archives: Uncategorized

Laying in my room not going to sleep. Listening to trigger me with his whining. Jealous of being online. Wanting to cut myself to feel something. Seems like I’ve been asking the same question for 20 years now and not finding an answer. Or just ignoring the answer. I have an answer, but apparently it’s the wrong one. Sigh, in two weeks my psych can remind me why it’s the wrong answer.

Trying to crawl out the pit that I’m in. It’s good that I’ve stop digging for the most part. But even with friends, getting out will be difficult at best. Should I be satisfied that I stop digging and learn to live in this hole that I’ve dug for myself?

The answers that I were afraid of are going to go with him to the grave.  Going to have to accept it and move on, whatever that entails.

When you are the only Black person in a space. Just how dangerous of a black personal are you. Is my Lorax/Treehugger shirt too threatening? Is there a table two spaces away or do we have to sit next to him. Maybe we can eat in the hot car outside. It won’t be that bad, right?

Kinda sad that I this is my entry after being gone for awhile. But racism waits for no black man.

White guy with confederate flag lanyard and flag on car with a Raiders beanie on listening to N.W.A.

I’m confused

The lack of motivation to do anything is real.  Lots of half assery and not caring going on in my life right now.  Finally updated the back-end of this site to the newest WordPress.  The plan was to follow the yearly prompts from the one site I bookmarked along with more Book of Questions stuff and pica from the phone.  Nothing.  I could blame the new job or the weather.  Too much energy to do that, just easier to be meh about it. Is lack of motivation while people kill themselves? Or is killing themselves the last spark of motivation before their life fades out?  **Sigh**  I should take my meds and goto sleep…

The silence of her reply would be deafening if it wasn’t for all my fears and doubts yelling in my head.