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Driving to Vacaville last night I realize why my listening has gone down. Since I don’t have a 1.5/2 hour commute anymore no need to listen to music on the way home. I listen sometimes at work, but usually I’m interrupted or I have to go and check on something so it’s not really consistent.

So the journal entry that I wrote at IHOP got dark pretty quick. 2022 wasn’t a total dumpster fire that I made it out to be. Most importantly, I am finally living by myself without any roommates or family. And I did it for an entire year. Try not to think about the negatives of being alone, but it’s an achievement almost 30 years in the making, so I should feel some accomplishment. Going out to the East Coast was another achievement. Seeing the fam, going to a WaWa, and visiting dad was def a great experience. Float therapy has also been a positive experience. It hasn’t been the conscious experience that I was hoping for yet, but it has been something to look forward too and I think the mind clarity that I’m looking for is just around the corner.

My mind is trying to tell me that it’s so little compared to all the pain, suffering, and disappointment I’ve had this year. But I’m trying to tell myself that I have to accept the good and that it wasn’t all bad.

I smelled and tasted you so vividly, it was like you were in bed laying next to me. I didn’t want to open my eyes, but I wanted it to be real.

I hope you are doing well and I miss you. Maybe I’ll catch your scent in my dreams once again…