Monthly Archives: January 2001

Can you let her know that I am on my way up to see her. I should be there around 6:30-7pm. I’m out of phone time, so I can’t call her. Thanks
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Pay attention to your instincts, especially those that suggest making a stronger commitment to a partnership. You could start new projects and cement new relationships, but you may need to keep things quiet for a while. Fortunately, you are now ready to proceed in matters that may have seemed stuck or stymied. Your humor and your need for challenges bring good fortune when it comes to finding sources of income.
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I woke up and my Internet connection was going. I guess one of the programs did an update. Anyway, I am in the process of getting ready for the first day of school. Yay! First class is Aikido. It’s for my Asian Studies Minor. Actually I have a lot of stuff to do. I got classes to go to. I need to talk to an advisor. I need to figure out how to get an “I” switched to a letter grade. Now that I have money, I need to buy books, groceries, school supplies, school clothes. I got to do laundry to. AND I have to go up to Solano. I don’t think everything is going to get done today. I’ll just have to get whatever I can done and worry about the rest later.
Current mood: chipper
Current music: BT- Lullaby For Gaia

Well, I’m surprised to be updating today. I thought that it would be much busier today and that I would be running around trying to get deliveries done. But actually, it was a mellow day. The bookstore was packed when I went to make deliveries, but I’ve seen it worse. I actually helped a customer find their book; haven’t done that in a long time.
I also got alot of stuff done. All the order were done and I cleared my desk. Well, there are a couple of things left on it, but I’m waiting on other people to put stuff online for me.
Actually, I think its all catching up to me cause I can start to feel my body start to ache. A hot shower will feel so good tonight.
No roommate as of last night. WHOOHOO!!!! I think that I am going to just take over the whole room and make it mine. Aw yeah. I’m going to have to make a shopping list of stuff I need to fill it up. I think that I want to find a double mattress and then push the two twin beds together and make a huge ass bed. To sleep on a bed bigger than myself. It’ll be a dream come true.
I’m planning all of this stuff, but I know that they’ll eventually find somebody to stick with me. **Sigh** I guess I can dream.
Well, I get paid tonight at 8pm (I love Direct Deposit) So I can get some gas and go grocery shopping. I am so sick of pasta and bread. I want meat. Saturday, I’m taking Barry and Gabi out to Cattleman’s for some steak. Oh, you know that it’s going to be good.
Checked the balance for the phone and I have no money left. So no online for me until I pump some money back into it. If they wouldn’t have messed up my financial aid, then this wouldn’t be happening. Hopefully ir will get to my old place sometime this week so I can buy my books.
God, I am so not ready for tommorow. Actually, my schedule isn’t too bad. I have Aikido in the morning and then two history classes in the afternoon. Thursday night is when I have my night class 6-9pm. Blah.
I am so afraid for tommorow night. I don’t know whats going to happen. I already feel like I’m going to mess things up even more than they are now. But then I am worried about suzanne; Amber took the call and she said that she sounded really weak. So I hope that she is o.k. But then, I am kinda anxoius to see her; it’s only been less than a month, but I miss her and I want to see her again, if nothing else, to get a fresh picture of her in my mind. God, there is a song by Third Eye Blind; something about a drive-by….
It’s almost 6, so I better get outta here. It is starting to get cold in here. Maybe I’ll be able to update inbetween classes.
Current mood: hopeful
Current music: the sound of the printing shop next door at the warehouse

I guess i need to make two stops tommorow night.
I’ll try to be over before 9 to pick up whatever you have for me so that you don’t have to mail it.
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I have forgotten how to trust. I really don’t trust anybody. At work, I always try to do stuff by myself, even though it wold be easier if I had help with it. I just don’t trust anybody else to help me, so I go and usually end up dropping something anyway. And the only thing that I have been committed to is to myself. And even then, barely.
It’s all good to spout and to rant about what’s wrong with me. It’s fixing the problems that I need to be working on. But I don’t know where to even start at. It seems so big, can I even do it.
And yet, in my mind all I can think of is that I have to do it and I have to do it by myself; because no one will understand and I can’t trust anybody to help me.
Current mood: sad
Current music: Fiona Apple – Pale September

I guess it had to come to this eventually. I was asking far too much. I wanted trust from someone who had not trusted so long that he had forgotten how…I wanted love from a man who had been hurt and rejected by the people who ought to cherish and protected him the most…And I wanted commitment from the guy who just couldn’t Part of me wants to hug you and tell you it’s not your fault. Part of me wants to tell you it is and its about time you did something about it. All of me wants to be in your arms again loving you as best as I know how.
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I took these early this morning. I had just enough energy to take these and then went back to sleep for an hour.
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** Note: The pictures are in the “pic for the web” folder on my Yahoo! Photos page. I tried to link directly to the pics, but yahoo is being stupid about it. You can also see all of my other pictures, like my new apt, and pics of my mom’s cats in Washington.**
I like the second one better. The first one I auto balanced it and then saved it under the same name instead of changing it. I usually wake up an hour or so before my alarm and just sit in bed thinking about stuff. That would be a great time for a LJ chip that plugs into your head.
Anyway I’ve done a couple of emails, and talked to some people online. I think that I’m going to go to sleep. See you guys in a week. (Except you April, I’ll probably be up Tuesday night after 8 to drop off you DVD)
Current mood: discontent
Current music: The hum of the computer

Well, the cracks in my cave have been opened and the light will soon be shining through.
I still have time to patch it up, but do I want to?
I believe in freedom to do whatever you want, as long has it doesn’t hurt others. But by even posting that last statement, I’m being a hypocrite.
**sigh** What will be done will be done.
I will just sit here and wait.
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**sigh** Well, I have once again gotten nothing accomplished. I did take one picture this morning, but it didn’t turn out. I flaked on Peter and stayed home and listened to the Super Bowl on the radio.
Still no roommate.
Anyway, I cooked some more pasta. I am so tired of pasta. I want meat. I’m thinking maybe next weekend, I’ll call up Gabi and Barry and take them out to dinner since I didn’t make the wedding. And maybe I’ll take Dan, Jen, and Drake out to lunch since I haven’t seen them for years now.
Speaking of, Barry is online
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