Daily Archives: January 22, 2001

You see yourself through tainted eyes, as do most of us. The difference is, I know that my perception of me in just that…my perception…not reality. You call yourself evil. You say you are this monster and you hate the monster. You hate what you think you are. But you are the only one who sees yourself this way. You are not a bad person. Confused – yes. Evil – no. How many wonderful, intelligent people have loved you? How many have been there through all the ups and downs? If you are evil, then we must all be pretty stupid to love you. And we do. I know I do. So if you are evil, and we are morons, why be our friends? Why love us…we are too dumb to see you are not worth your love…right?
Current mood: groggy
Current music: Counting Crows – High Life

Well, DVD night is a bust for me. I tried to watch the second part of Record of the Lodoss War (Japanese Anime) and the DVD crashed three times. I did everything that I could think of to get it to work, but no luck. I want to get a new DVD Player anyway. **sigh** I wish. Anyway, I think that I’m going to hit the hay early tonight. At least I got all the address changes made. I guess that should count for something. I also installed Office 2000 on Matt’s laptop and I cooked dinner again. Whoo hoo! Well, tomorrow’s another day.
Current mood: tired
Current music: Counting Crows – Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby

Well, This day has been pretty ok so far. The Party last night was a big hit. I guess there were a lot of lesbians there and there was an impromptu orgy in one of the rooms. Jade looked like she was still a little hung over, but she loved the gift that I got her.
Work was O.K.; spent most of the day on an electronics order, receiving it and checking the UPC to make sure that they were in the computer. I swear, the buyers for the supply department must speak and write in a language of their own making, cause some of the descriptions and catalogue numbers did not make sense at all. I mean, if a company sends you a product that has an item number of 123ABC, then why don’t you use that same item number instead of making a completely different number.
Anyway, after work, I headed over to Borders to do some research on evil. Lots of books on good and self help and love. Not many that focus on evil; none to be exact. Although I did find a book on biblical myths and lies. It was pretty interesting, enough so that I though about getting it. But I would also have to get a bible to compare with, and it would have to be annotated too. And I would need a middle eastern lore book too. something to think about anyway.
I also was looking around the computer books and found this interesting book on web sites. There was one that you can design your own logo on and then there was one that was like sim city kinda, that looked interesting. Unfortunately, i didn’t bring my planner, so I couldn’t copy down any of the addresses.
Anyway, I am home now, and I think I am going to cook up something and then take a shower. I was thinking about watching a DVD tonight, but I think that I might actually work on the web page or clean up the photos, either one.
Current mood: okay
Current music: George Michael – Jesus To A Child

Well, I stoped by the old place today to get my mail and there was my financial aide check. Or so I thought. Actually it was a statement saying that I owed $1,500. It seems that both SFSU housing and the Centennial viliage where i live now billed me for rent for spring semester. So I called SFSU housing and they said it was because I didn’t send in my intent to leave letter in on time. If I remember correctly, they were were the ones that sent it late and I got it the day that it was due. Anyway, I have to call them at the end of the week to see what’s going on.
So if I get my money back, I def. have to put some into my savings acct. But I’m also thinking about getting a new computer. But I want it built. I figure that I can get a basic system build and then take the CDRW, the network cars, and the SB 5.1 out of the system that I have now and then send that to my dad. I would need to get a DVD drive or player though. Hmm. Well, first things first I guess. I need to get the money first before I start spending it.
Current mood: tired
Current music: Listening to 104.5 KFOG on the radio

Ok people I hope you enjoyed the show, but I gotta get some sleep. Nite y’all
Current mood: tired
Current music: Michael Jackson – Remember The Time

**sigh** doing what I do best, ignoring the problem at hand. Refusing to take action in hopes that it will somehow work itself out. Will I always be like this? The cowardly lion….tiger that always runs away and hides under the bed.
Current mood: sad
Current music: Michael Jackson – Man In The Mirror

It’s comforting to know that I am not the only one that is going through what I have gone through. Either that or it is scary has hell that this is happening to someone else in the world too.
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When Love comes to me,
Yet stays out of reach;
And you, my dear Althea,
Comes to me at the back gate.
As I lie in your hair,
And are hooked to your beauty;
Not Even the birds in the sky
Know no such freedom.
When we have a drink of wine
Not diluted with water,
Our drunken head as soft as roses,
And our love heated as the sun.
As our thirst of wine grows more and more,
And the cups and bottles run free;
The fish that swim in the deeps
Know no such freedom.
Like the nightingale in the cage,
I speak with the voice of my pride;
Of the kindness, piety, kingly
And legends of my Lord King.
Has I voice my options about my majesty,
And how great he is;
Even the winds that blow in a winter storm,
Know no such freedom.
The skin of Mother Nature can never be a prison;
And her bones never a cage.
A mind free of thoughts and memories
Can use this has a summer cottage far away.
But if my love is free to travel,
And the same with my soul;
The angels in the sky and I
Will enjoy the freedom.
Current mood: good
Current music: Michael Jackson – Billie Jean

I wish that I could sing instead of karaoking and lip-syncing to the songs….
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