Daily Archives: December 21, 2000

The one where he talks about the break up

What is there to talk about. I did break up with serraph i.e. suzanne. I’m not going to try and argue against her, since it’s all true. I also did the bastardly act of regifting a xmas gift for April. And I kept $80 worth of xmas presents (clothes) that she got for me.
So what the hell do I have to say. That I’m sorry. Well, yes, I am sorry about the way that I broke up with Suzanne. I wasn’t very…diplomatic about it; if one can be diplomatic about breaking up with someone. And the regift incident is just another example of my unthoughtfulness.
The main reason that I broke up our relationship is because I was scared. I was scared of our relationship and where it was going. Or rather, I was scared of where our relatioonship was not going. I was scared because I did not know where our relationship was going. I saw no future for Suzanne and I. I couldn’t see myself marrying Suzanne or having a family with her. I couldn’t even see myself living with her. Now I know that we had just got back together and had been going out for only 3 months. And not that I was planning on immediately proposing to her. But what is the purpose of a relationship? Isn’t it to find a life mate, a love one, someone you can marry. Alright, you can also just be looking for sex, but if I really wanted sex, Suzanne is the last person that I would be getting sex from. But I digress. What’s the point of being in a relationship if there is no goal or point to it.
And for the record, we never truly established why we were getting back together when we did in September; we just did. And I thought that I could just ignore that fact and just accept the fact that we were back and that everything would work itself out. But I was wrong in believing this.
Current mood:
Current music:

The one where he is home for the holidays…..

Whatever troubles you have
Whatever traps and pitfalls life has thrown at you
Whatever trouble and chaos that you have caused
When all else, there is no place to be than at home with your family around you…
Current mood: contemplative
Current music: Listening to the cats chase each other up and down the stair