What is there to talk about. I did break up with serraph i.e. suzanne. I’m not going to try and argue against her, since it’s all true. I also did the bastardly act of regifting a xmas gift for April. And I kept $80 worth of xmas presents (clothes) that she got for me.
So what the hell do I have to say. That I’m sorry. Well, yes, I am sorry about the way that I broke up with Suzanne. I wasn’t very…diplomatic about it; if one can be diplomatic about breaking up with someone. And the regift incident is just another example of my unthoughtfulness.
The main reason that I broke up our relationship is because I was scared. I was scared of our relationship and where it was going. Or rather, I was scared of where our relatioonship was not going. I was scared because I did not know where our relationship was going. I saw no future for Suzanne and I. I couldn’t see myself marrying Suzanne or having a family with her. I couldn’t even see myself living with her. Now I know that we had just got back together and had been going out for only 3 months. And not that I was planning on immediately proposing to her. But what is the purpose of a relationship? Isn’t it to find a life mate, a love one, someone you can marry. Alright, you can also just be looking for sex, but if I really wanted sex, Suzanne is the last person that I would be getting sex from. But I digress. What’s the point of being in a relationship if there is no goal or point to it.
And for the record, we never truly established why we were getting back together when we did in September; we just did. And I thought that I could just ignore that fact and just accept the fact that we were back and that everything would work itself out. But I was wrong in believing this.
A 40-something rediscovering life in California