I am still missing Suzanne. And while it hasn’t come to stalking her or anything psychotic like that…well I have been looking at places in Antioch to rent. Not sure if that constitutes stalking or inflicting pain on yourself. Whatever the case, I still can’t get her off of my mind and out of my heart. And to be honest, I don’t want too. My friends/parents think that I need to go out and meet new people. Thank god that my friends are 50 miles away and that my mom is 1,800 miles away. They are all probably right, in the fact that I should get out of the house more. And I try too; that’s why I went up to Sac for a weekend. And I also did Peter’s movie to get out of the house. And I was planning on taking next Tuesday off to goto the Asian Art Museum. But it all seems like a waste of time. I want to be with her. I go through the day wondering where she is at and what is she doing. Def. avoid the who is she doing what with line of questioning. I think the thing is that I still don’t know why we broke up; it was like the rope was cut and the ship was left to drift away. Very incomplete. **sigh** I know the whole conversation that we had was suppose to be “the end of it all”, but it’s not. Not at least for me anyway. I wasn’t expecting much for my birthday, but I was hoping for her to wish me a happy birthday. I wasn’t expecting her to come over with a present and a blow job; just maybe a card, ecard or by mail. Just some kind of recognition. And again, it seems that I got my hopes up for nothing. And I will tell myself that this is it, and that she has moved on and forgotten about me. She is wrapped up in the new guy that loves her and that this time I will move on. And maybe, eventually I will move on. But I won’t. I will wait here, trying to figure out what did I do wrong, wondering if she truly knew how much I love her, and hoping that one day, my best friend will come back into my life.
A 40-something rediscovering life in California