Monthly Archives: August 2000

Actually, I made a small discovery today. I think that my problem is that I am not passionate about anything. When I get passionate about something, whether it is love or hate, I become more alive and vibrant. But I’ve been on this passive, don’t care admitted and it’s affecting everything in my life. I think that’s why I’ve been depressed and slothful lately. I’m def. goofing off at work and it’s costed me a raise, or at least prospone it. And I can defietly use it. I used most of my money that I had left to buy groceries so I wouldn’t starved and have to life off of ramen for a week. But for the last two days, I’ve been pigging out and guzzling sola like crazy. I def. got to stop that. I mean I’m fat enough has it is. It is so hard to hide my gut, and I have only so many places to stuff it at. So I have $17 dollars left and I need to do laundry? Maybe I can do laundry at Angie’s house before she leaves for Boston. I could goto Suzanne’s but I don’t think so. While on one hand, I’m trying to be friendly to her, on the other hand, I want to keep some distance between us. GOD, i guess it does sound like I’m playing a game with her. I’m not, although today I had a thought that it might be easier. I dont know, I making a consession to my friends by not givving her my new address when I move. I think it’s wrong and it is going to cause more trouble, but I know that my friends are just worried about me and don’t want to see another April episode. I don’t want to see an April episode, although in some ways, I’m feeling the same kind of pain inside.
Current mood:
Current music:

So Mandy and Tim S. both ask me about Suzanne and I tell them that we are friends. Sometimes I wish that I could turn back the hands of time…Ah, foolish pride.
Current mood:
Current music:

Ok. So I just got offline from speaking to Tim S.. In a way, I do miss him and Ben and Anders. They weren’t that bad, although I still wont forgive Tim S. for his clock. I found out that Tim S. is staying in Park Merced. Bastard. And Mandy is staying at Treasure Island. Lucky Bitch. Just kidding. I’m just blah cause I don’t know what I’m going to do for housing. I really need to move out of here, not because I don’t like Shawn or anything, but my poor car is dying from the commute to SF.
In other boring news in my life, scanned in more pics. Today I did pics from my Sr. Year in school and I Monopoly tournament that Vince, Amber P., and her boyfriend at the time James went to. The monopoly pictures brought back memories cause that was a fun trip. But the H.S. pics were full of people I didn’t even know. I really wasn’t into my class. I should have graduated with the class of 93 instead of 92, cause I know more of that class than my class. Anyway I was thinking of posting the pictures on an alumni web site or something. i talk about my reunion that is coming up, but do I really have a reason to go to it? Another thing to ponder on.
Current mood: blah
Current music:

IMing with Michelle, Jason’s ex girlfriend…or are they back together now. I don’t know what’s going on with them, except that I knew that Jason would cheat on his current girlfriend, C?. I just didn’t expect him to go back to Michelle? Oh well, it just makes it easier for the 3-way I want to have with him and Suzanne. Except Suzanne said that he was a bad kisser….I guess I’ll deal with that if and when the time comes
Current mood:
Current music:

Well, I have registered for classes, so I am all set for school. I might be living out of my car, but I will be in school
Current mood:
Current music:

Damn, late for work. AAARRRGGGHHHH
Current mood: annoyed
Current music:

So today was just a crappy day. The highlight had to be when I got the forklift stuck twice at work. PD and AW had to help me out. AW was def. not happy about it, but I guess I deserved it after the crack I made about her being drunk today. Anyway, around 10-11, Suzanne called to tell me that she has to go back to court for her hearing on the 5th of Sept. We had a good conversation, but has usual, if feels like she is tying to push her agenda on me. That is probably the wrong thing to say, but, I don’t think she has found this yet. She can get mad over it when she finds this journal or when I make it public, whichever comes first. Meanwhile, I’ve been hunting around for her second journal, when she starts to post back at her old journal. I wonder if she is keeping both of them. I scanned some more pics; these were of the senior trip to SoCal. Maybe I’ll post them on an alumni web page or something. I really wasn’t into my class; I don’t know what’s going on with any of them except for KS, but that’s because he is MS sister. Anyhow, I’m tired and getting fat, so I’m going to sleep.
Current mood: tired
Current music: