Monthly Archives: November 2002

Cloudy raining day here in SF. Fits the mood.
Anyway, I have a one day job tomorrow babysitting Amber’s son, Brock tommorow. 6-7 hours of me and an 8 year old kid. Again. Well, I did it before and I can do it again. This time I’ll bring some laundry to clean.
At work looking at Tim’s dog, Casey. She is giving me a strange look. I hope she doesn’t have to pee or something.
Mark left for classes. It just amazes me how some people still don’t know how to use a computer. Actually, it amazes me that some of my friends are still on AOL. Now, that’s just shocking.
When I went to SoCal to see Mew, I talked to Amanda about how I feel confused and don’t know what I’m doing. She suggeted that I make a list of what I want, detail how to get it, and do it. “Cornny,” she said, “but it works.” Still haven’t completed my list yet.
**sigh** I def. need to get some sleep tonight. My body is worn out from everything.
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Should never have snuck on Mike’s computer to take a look at her journal. God, what a dumb ass I am. It would be much easier to just kill myself than the torture that I put myself through. I’m just saying, that’s all.
And granted, I could just be taking this “out of context’ and just being over dramatic about it. But I sent her that e-mail fucking a week ago, so it’s not me she’s talking about. I think the issue I have is what is the fuck with all of these people just bouncing off from one relationship to another, while I always seem to just mire myself in sorrow and self pity.
Well, I’m sure that I have a few tears left to cry, but I think that most of them are gone now. Fuck it all, it is time for me fucking get it together and move on. If everybody else can do it, then I fucking can too.
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Cold day here in the city. It’s suppose to start raining in the next couple of days. It’s going to be a cold rain too, the kind that I hate. Oh well, gives me a reason to stay locked up in the house I guess.
Did not vote last night, because I am lazy. I left my wallet in the company van, and felt that it was too cold to go and get it. I know, bad me. Still Mike voted mostly the way that I was going to vote. Wasn’t really into this election anyway. So now that Bush has the entire government on his side, it’s only a matter of time before we are at war in Iraq. **sigh** Tech, I’m too old to be drafted, but if they change to law, it’s a good thing that I have my diploma so I can go in the military has an officer.
What else? Decided to cut my ties on Livejournal earlier than I thought. There is really no reason for me to post there. I mean, why should I give Suzanne a window into my life? Granted, at this point, it’s nothing that she hasn’t seen already, but still. After all of this time of censoring myself, I am starting to feel like I can truly use the journal and post and talk about the things that I really want too. The think is all I want to do is talk about her. **sigh** What a wicked web we weave.
I can’t delete my livejournals though. I got 2 years of archives that I can’t loose. So I guess I will just let them be until I find a way to import them or something.
**yawn** The thing about no eating is that I am getting a bit weak and light headed. Will have some water and hope that tides me over until I get home tonight.
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**yawn**
forgot what I was going to say…
Oh well
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Chicken & Herb Raviolli
Chunk Mushroom sauce
Peas and Carrots
4 biscuits
2 glasses of Appe Juice
Not bad for the only meal of the day. I know that eating only one time is probably not good for me, but I am feeling fine and I think that my body is finally getting used to it.
Couldn’t find my wallet though, so no exercise for me (no voting for me either.) I probably should be more worried about it, but I have no money in my bank account so, my check card is useless. Probably left it either in the car or in the work van.
Tomorrow I will def. goto the gym.
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Just talked to the asian guy that works at the import place next door. He was in a neck brace and I asked him if he what happened. He was driving and he lost feelings in his hands and arms. The doctors think there is a disc or something in his neck.
That has me worried cause I have been feeling some pain in my hands too. No necessarily pain, but they are cold all the time. I have been having some neck soreness also and I know that is cause of the way that I sleep and use the computer.
**sigh** just another sign that my body is breaking down and I’m getting old.
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Treadmill for 30min. Weight loss course.
Planned on using machinces, but the gym was crowded. There were 5-7 people using the machines, and I didn’t want to try to get into the rotation that they had going on. Besides, I feel more confident when there aren’t that many people in the gym.
Food for today:
1 Vitamin
1 bite from rice krispy treat with chocolate
Bite from rice krispy treat should last me until I get home to cook dinner.
**sigh** I need to vote too.
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1 Vitamin
1 Breakfast Bar
**2 Cheeseburgers**
**1 Reg Fries**
**1 Reg Coke**
1 Bowl of Cereal
1 bottle of Water
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**yawn** Another monday and nother start of the work week. Blah. Think that I will bring my camera into work this week an take some pictures. The most recent set of pictures I took got lost in the great hard drive crash of 2002. Besides, I don’t have a picture of Mike. I might also take some updated pictures of people at the bookstore too.
Plan is to goto the gym everyday this week and hopefully see this girl that I think I went to high school with and talk to her. Got flak from Mew and Barry about not talking to her. Mew is in town this week and I can’t see her. This is why I need to get a second job; I should have enough money left after everything is paid and done to take BART to Dublin to see my friend.
I also need it to get my mind off of Suzanne. **sigh** I can’t spend every weekend lurking around on Livejournal waiting for her to post to see if she says something about me. I think it is time for me to block Livejournal on my browser. What I need to do is to just stop posting on Livejournal; I mean, isn’t that what this journal is for. Well, if nothing else I need to block the sites; if I have to post, I still have the clients to use.
O.K. I guess I should go out and do some work or something
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read it here on my other journal…..
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