Daily Archives: November 11, 2002

Don’t want to aimlessly wander the Internet…
Don’t want to argue with myself over if I should take a peek at her site…
Think that I’m just going to sleep and dream of better times…
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I guess I should be thankful that she wasn’t cheating on me, like April was. Granted, our relationship was in it’s anticlamatic finish even has it begun. I don’t know if I could be friends with Suzanne if she did that. With April, it took years before I reconsile the hurt in my heart. And it took even longer before we could be friends again. We are not the close friends that we used to be, but I am happy where out friendship is at. My friends have never understood how I could be friends with her. Sometimes I wonder that myself. All I can say is that our friendship was always stronger than our relationship. With Suzanne, however, I opened up and changed myself for her. I guess that why I lost it and withdrew into my room this weekend, cause it hurts to know that she has moved on already. After all we’ve been through, I’m just that guy she dated who lived in San Francisco.
**sigh** I can hear my friends in my mind that I shouldn’t dwell on it and that I should move on. I should find something to take my mind off so that Mike won’t ask me why does it look like I’m crying.
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Still thinking about this weekend and her. The Book of the Angelica is what I call her written diary that she wrote about me during a previous breakup. The plan was to start the Book of the Diabloique, a response to what she wrote. I wanted to write about all of her faults and mistakes; about how it was her that was an hypocrite and who gave up on our relationship. But I couldn’t cause it doesn’t matter what I write, I still love her. I want her to come back and I want us back together so bad. I’m sure all of my friends and family would tell me that I’m making a mistake, but fuck them. I love her; there is no one I have loved so much. There is no one that I have given all of myself to like this. And now that she is one, I don’t know what I have left. I am still alive, so their has to be something that I am living for; I don’t know what though.
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Working and listening to the afternoon talk shows. Judge hatchet was hilarious and Ricki Lake is funny; talking about adult bullies.
Decided to splurge and spent some of my money for lunch for Mike and I. The Chicken Nuggets looked way bigger on the web site than in person. I guess that’s what ou get for .99; still the shake was good.
Plans for tonight is to hit the gym and work out while watchng the game. Plan on a long workout to make up for this weekend.
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Busily working at work.
A moment of contentment
An odd feeling for a Monday.
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Don’t know what it is about today. Maybe it’s cause the sun is out after the rain that we had, or maybe it’s cause I’m wearing my sunglasses. No sure what it is, but people are just looking beautiful today. I mean just absolutely gorgeous today.
And then driving to work, I swear I saw somebody walking a wolf. I know that I’m not a dog expert, but I swear it was a wolf. Wish that I had brought my camera.
Things would be perfect if the time was right on this update. I wish that you could set the time zone when you update from the web.
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