Monthly Archives: January 2001

I tried this already. When I first went out with her I did this. I knew I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. That was the reason that I cut off contact with everybody when I moved to San Francisco, so that I could concentrate on school and to fix myself. But I could not get her out of my mind. That why I went back to her, because I thought that her love would be strong enough to help me find love for myself. And for awhile, I thought it was. But it was just an illusion that I cast over my eyes.
The darkness that is inside of me has such a hold over me. Can I ever get rid of it? Do I even want to get rid of it? Sometimes I think that I have carried this burden for so long, that it has become apart of me, never to let go…
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You say you cannot love another until you learn to love yourself first… but when I hated myself, you loved me, and I learned from you. Why can’t you see you are loveable and go from there? Let me love you… you will learn. Love will follow.
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Current music: Raiders/Dolphins game on T.V.

Taurus
Horoscope (by astronet.com)
You might get frustrated by the flaky aspect of the day. It could be that the people around you seem to be with you on the same level one minute and then totally off in their own world the next. Even you may find it hard to stay focused on any one thing. Instead of getting annoyed by this, do your best to work around it. If people seem unreliable, don’t rely on them. Stick with those you can rely on most – in particular, yourself.
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4 couples get flown to a tropical getaway where they get tempted by 28 single guys and girls.
I think a while ago I would really want to be in this show has one of the single people. But now, I don’t know. It seems kinda sad. I was never really into the whole Survivor thing. I watched a couple of episodes, but it’s just like wrestling, it’s fake. Actually, I think the reason I didn’t get into it is cause it was just like the Real World. We’ve seen all of this drama before; but I will admit that some of the drama on Survivor was better than the rehash that is on the real world/road rules that MTV still tries to milk. But I can’t see myself watching the new episode of Survivor or any of it’s spawns this year. O.K I need to goto sleep now.
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Well, the photo’s are somewhat organized. I still need to rename a lot of them though. I also need to bring the computer to the shop to fix the sound. I installed a new sound card a couple of weeks ago, but sound only comes out of one speaker. I need to see if it is the speakers or the card. I think either way I’m going to get new speakers; get a 5.1 system so that I can have great sound while watching my movies on the DVD.
What I really need is to make a fashion change. I think that I will buy my jeans from Miller’s Outpost. I like the way that the Huge Anchor Blues feel. But I have tons of jeans; I want to expand and get some khaki’s and some cargo pants. I also want to get some new shirts; a mix between some dress shirts and some print shirts. The thing is that I work at the warehouse and it is too dirty there to get anything fancy and new. But I am tired of just wearing t-shirts all the time. I think regardless, some of my t-shirts have to go; some of the sweat stains are just not pleasant to look at. Yuck! The clothing items that I really need are socks and underwear. I am running low on socks, but those are no big deal. My underwear, is a different matter. I wear Joe Boxer and Tigger underwear. Most of my Tigger underwear has shrunk. I kinda don’t want to get rid of it, but I’m tired of underwear riding up my legs and ass. I have some boxers but I wear boxer briefs mostly; ever since Mary Mark did the Calvin Klein commercials. Sad, isn’t it. I also could use a couple of new baseball caps and a couple of new shoes.
**sigh** Why is it when we break up, we have to make a change somewhere in our lives. What I really want to do is to dye my hair; Like blond or platinum. But I would have to get it done professionally. I don’t think I trust anybody to do it for me; every since my mom gave me a bald spot when she tried to cut my hair in the third grade, I’ve been sensitive about people messing with my hair. Anyway, with the wedding coming up in a week, I’ll either get my usual 80’s Eddie Murphy fade or maybe I’ll get it all cut off again. People seemed to like the bald look, even though I think my head is lumpy.
Maybe I should get an earring or a nose ring? Yeah right. Anyway, I can’t do anything until I get paid next week. I wonder when I’ll be getting my financial aide check? Hmmm. I should look into that. Ok I should go to sleep now. Stuff to do tomorrow
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OMG….Temptation Island?!? That sounds so bad, but i have a strange feeling that I’m going to be hooked.
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I am so envious of all the creativity 101 pics. I got a couple of ideas on how to take some pictures tomorrow…
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god bless the Spanish channel….
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looking at the creativity 101 projects. wish i could be as creative as the people that posted.
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Hmmm, I think tonight I’ll work on cleaning my photo on my computer. I just need to go through and organize them. I also need to go and take some tomorrow. Actually I’m thinking of trying a small photo shoot inside the apt. I have some ideas on what I want to do. Hopefully they will turn out decent.
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