So I decided to watch Shakespeare In Love tonight. I knew if I watched Thomas Crown Affair I would get depressed, because that is/was our movie. And although I’ve been on a Vampire kick with Anne Rice, watching Blade just wouldn’t have the effect that I was looking for. So I chose Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet has always been my favorite, I have always loved the story and the tragedy of it. And Shakespeare In Love has Gwyneth Paltrow in it, who I don’t necessary love or lust after, but she puts on a great performance. Now Joseph Fiennes, I do lust after. His eyes, OMG, I just love his eyes. I wish I could have eyes and looks like his.
But has I watched the movie, all I could do is think about her and just started crying. so I watched the last 30 min with tears streaming out of my eyes. I miss her so much. I know that I will never get over her. I don’t know if it will be like April, where I spent 3-4 years of my life crying over her. But like April, I will always have a place in my heart for her….
I don’t know how I can go on every day, carrying this pain and grief inside of me. Every morning when I wake up, I just want to stay and hide in my room all day. I don’t understand where I get the strength to get out of bed and to go to work. Maybe I think that at work, I can forget and pretend that my life is ok. But it isn’t; it is just an act that I put on for those around me and for myself….
I can’t do this tonight, I have to go…
Current mood: depressed
Current music: Sound of the heater in my room
A 40-something rediscovering life in California