So after talking to April and telling her to leave work and go out cause it’s such a nice day, I took a shower, got dressed and headed out myself. I went to my local portal of hell, which happens to be the Post Office, to get rent. Actually the line wasn’t that bad, although it took forever for me to get the money orders cause my ATM card is almost unreadable. So after that, I had to get some ice cream; on such a beautiful day and with a Baskin Robbins next door, how could you not. While I was getting my ice cream (Coffee Biscotti), these ghetto kids asked these two ladies if they were in the Girl Scouts. They had army fatigues on. The sad part was that I guess they were out selling candy bars for a charity or something, but was using the money to buy ice cream and pizza. Whatever.
So I’m driving out and I say to myself, “Self (haha), why don’t we drive down to Ocean Beach real quick, just to see what’s going on.” So I did, an it was such a lovely view. Not too many people, a beautiful day, some surfers out on the water. And so I drive on to Lake Merced where I guess they are having some rowing competition. And then I said what the hell, let’s go to Santa Cruz. It’s such a beautiful day, I’ll just drive down Highway 1, stopping on the way at the lighthouse, Mavericks, and the nude beach to take some pictures. Then I’ll get to Santa Cruz and hang out on the Boardwalk, walk on the beach, and just enjoy myself.
So I’m driving down to Pacifica and the view is just beautiful. I am just all stoked for this and then I see this hitchhiker on the side of the road. Maybe he wasn’t a hitchhiker, but he was looking kinda shabby. Anyway, I have my usual quick thoughts about him; Should I have given him a lift, what kind of stories he has, what if it was a girl hitchhiker and I picked her up and we hit it off and we park on the side of the road and I give her the loving that she’s been missing for so long….well, you get the general idea.
But then I start to think about what if I was a hitchhiker, which turns into what if I was a homeless person. Then it just snowballed from there; I’m going to use up so much gas that I can’t afford too; food is going to cost too much at the boardwalk; I have stuff to do at home; pressure, pressure, pressure. And also, I forgot to bring the batteries for the camera. So I turned around and headed home.
The thing is that I can’t be happy by myself. I can’t afford to be happy. Being happy cost too much. Being content is so much more cost efficient. I should just focus on being content and staying content. It was wrong of me to try and find happiness when I should have been looking for safety and contentment.
I don’t know what I’m spouting out. All that I know is that the sun is finally in my room and that I am going to lay in the safety of my bed and be content as the sunbeams wash over my body for the next couple of hours.
Current music: Fiona Apple – I Know
A 40-something rediscovering life in California