O.K. Signing on to MechWarrior to go and look for Barry….
A 40-something rediscovering life in California
O.K. Signing on to MechWarrior to go and look for Barry….
O.K. Pictures that I took are up here. Some pictures of crack and penile parts, so over 18 only, yadda, yadda, yadda. They are pretty raw and ugly pictures, def. not for the faint of heart or if you are eating. If you have already seen me naked, then there is nothing new here, so move on.
Still not sure why I’m posting these. I don’t necessary want comments about them. Something to break the mold, or something like that. Well, I’ll need some kind of scandal when I finally decide to run for office, and this might has well be it.
behind low self-esteem lies total arrogance and delusions of grandeur.
Well, last time I was here, I was on my way to Borders. I took the camera, but still felt too self conscious to take any pictures. Also something happened at Borders. Not sure what really triggered it, but decided to stay away from Blurty and the computer for awhile. Actually, to be more correct, I decided to explore the Internet, to go to places and sites on the net that I usually don’t go to. And I’m not talking about porn sites, either. Mainly I went to a boatload of different blogs and journals, and just kinda gazed at the creative genius that is out there. A lot of the journals were focused at some point on the “war” that is going on (I put war in quotes because according to law, only congress has the power to declare war.) I’m not going to spout out my theories and thoughts on it, there is plenty enough of that around.
What else did I do? I actually did take some pictures of myself; still trying to decide if I want to post them or not. To me, they just prove how ugly I really am. But I might post them anyway. Also wrestled with Moveable Type, got it working to some extent. Now just trying to customize it to the way that I want it to look like. Also continued plotting for the new site design. Will not be up by my birthday, But we’ll see.
Been keeping an eye on apt prices, and I’m pretty sure that Mike and I will find something that is cheaper than what we are paying now. It would be nice to get a third person and look for something. I’ve see a couple of 3 bdr for 1500-1600; the would be really nice on the wallet. Also finally did my taxes by hand and Turbotax.com was right, I am only getting $22 back from the IRS and I owe CA $85. **sigh** poop. Well, there is always next year.
Getting some practice in on Mechwarrior 4. I can hold my own against the computer opponents, but I really need to challenge some humans to see if I am getting better or not. I’ve seen Barry on a lot lately and I’m not sure if that is a good or bad thing. Well, his 2nd child is due in a couple of weeks, so he might just be trying to get his time in while he can.
The pictures for San Leandro 10 year reunion are finally up. I only recognize a couple of people; we’ve all gained a pound or two, but nobody was really awful. Also I was just poking around and I cam across this profile for someone who I graduated with: Tim Wylie. “I AM MARRIED TO WONDERFUL WIFE WITH FOUR BEAUTIFUL GIRLS AGES 8,5,3, AND 6MO.” FOUR KIDS!?!?! OMG, Tim was the last person that I would think that would have 4 kids. And he’s a dispatcher. Tim was like, class president, treasurer, went to Oxford, and was going to be a lawyer. I don’t know if this is the Tim that I graduated with or someone else, but it blew my mind.
Other misc. stuff:
From an article about the war. I don’t in anyway support Saddam Hussein or his sons, but this is just journalistic objectivity thrown out the window. “… Saddam, probably accompanied by his demonic sons Uday and Qusay, w…”
Also, there was this quote talking about John Travolta, who was offered the role that Richard Gere eventually took for Chicago. “Travolta, who took dance lessons from Gene Kelly’s brother Fred Kelly from age 6, is in talks to star in two proposed movie musicals: “Phantom of the Opera” and “Into the Woods.” Travolta as the Phantom? I don’ know about that one…
What else? Some Buffy quotes are always nice:
“Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell and then I do a spell by myself.”
“The audience wants to find you, strip you naked and eat you alive. So hide.”
“I’m a conquistador….I’m a comfortador also”
“You think you know. What’s to come. What you are. You haven’t even begun.”
“There’s trees in the desert since you moved out and I don’t sleep on a bed of bones.”
Well, that last one isn’t entirely true. The desert that is my life is still here; the trees have not started growing yet. And while I’m not sleeping on a bed of bones, I do continue to rest on a pile of past memories. Spent most of the time looking and staring at photos of Suzanne, thinking, wondering, plotting, wishing, etc, etc. I did resist the urge to go to her journal or site. I don’t need to cut myself up by reading about who she is kissing or who is making her happy or making her smile now. Although at one point I was brainstorming, trying to hatch a plot to win her back. Then I remember, according to her, there is no way we can even get back together.
Found this quote on my Internet wanderings and I thought if fit somewhere…
I love you not only for who you are
But for what I am when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you
Have made of yourself
But for what you are making of me.
I love you for the part of me
That you bring out.
And also, to quote Prince, “Cause me and you could have been a work of art”.
I know, I know, stop brooding. Stop thinking and over analyzing it. And so I’ll stop. I will go back and keep myself busy with projects at work and at home. It still doesn’t change the fact that I still am in love with her, even if she doesn’t want to be with me.
So, I have also been spending money on CD’s. Damn Columbia House, but I need to buy the 6 CD’s before the year is up, and I don’t want to buy all 6 of them at one time. Besides, they have had buy one get 2 free. So I got Missy Elliot’s new one, Erasure and The Cure Greatest hits (such an 80’s boy), Best of Led Zeppelin 1 &2, and DJ Scribble (for the Delerium track with Sarah Sarah McLachlan. I wanted to get Norah Jones and ColdPlay, but since they are so new, they don’t count towards my obligation, so I will have to wait a couple of months for that.
Finally, work is still busy for me. The inv. corrections and the acct. room cleanup are taking longer than I thought. Also, Tim got an iternship, so he cut back his hours. I’ve already put in a couple of extra hours, but next week, I will have to put in more.
O.K. I think that I will post the pictures up, so I better start to work on that. Webcam is on and IM is up.
Knowing the Self leads to Enlightenment
Mastering others requires force
Mastering the Self calls for true strength
1. If you had the chance to meet someone you’ve never met, from the past or present, who would it be? It would have to be Jesus Christ and my biological parents.
2. If you had to live in a different century, past or future, which would it be? Well, since people of darker skin have been treated like crap in previous centuries, I would have to say sometime in the future.
3. If you had to move anywhere else on Earth, where would it be? I would want to buy my own island, either in the Pacific or in The Caribbean. On this island, I would build a small castle, with a waterfall behind it. I actually had this written out in great detail in the 11th grade, it was 15+ pages and I was only half done. Unfortunately, I lost it, and have never been able to fully recreate what I wrote.
4. If you had to be a fictional character, who would it be? Hmmm….So many to choose from. Going to have to narrow this down:
Out of my DVD movies (non cartoon) – Pierce Brosnan/Thomas Crown
Out of my DVD movies (cartoon/anime) – Folken Fanel from Escaflowne.
Out of my novels fantasy – Drizzt Do’Urden
Out of my novels Sci-fi – Roy Folker from Robotech
Out of my novels Vampires – Armand
Out of my novels Star Wars – Han Solo
5. If you had to live with having someone else’s face as your own for the rest of your life, whose would it be? Joseph Fines I think (mainly because of the eyes) Although, maybe after watching the Oscars, I’ll come back and change my mind.