1. Fuckin A, it’s Friday finally. Whatcha drinkin, cause we all know you are a slobbering lush. I wish I was drinkin… Being the poor mo-fo that I am, the strongest drink that I will get is Mountain Dew if I’m lucky. Probably just water all day.
2. Are ya getting any this weekend? Who’s the lucky bastard? Another strike-o there. Unless the ex-girlfriend shows up on my doorstep in her “Fuck Me” red pants and nothing else. But I think that she has a wedding that she is in, so no go there.
3. Tell Heather you fucking love her in a creative way. Watch your tongue and be nice, or I will hunt you down and cut it out of your filthy mouth. “It’s not yo booty, it’s your beauty that I’m lookin at.” O.K., O.K….. I was checkin out her booty too.
4. Think these questions are fluff? Go fuck yourself. For the rest of you, what’s the best fucking movie you’ve ever seen? [I mean, the best movie, not the best movie with fucking in it, unless you wanna share that too.] Best Fucking Movie: Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back; Best Movie That Fucked With My Mind: Magnolia. Best Movie With Fucking In It: Debbie Does Dallas.
5. So what the fuck are you doing this weekend? I am fucking going to see fucking Harry Potter and his Fucking Chamber of Fucking Secrets. Also going to do some fucking grocery shopping at Safeway;do some fucking laundry at the fucking laundromat; and maybe goto the fucking gym to fucking work out. Oh yeah, will also spend time being fucking depressed and missing my fuckingly fine ex girlfriend.
A 40-something rediscovering life in California