Monthly Archives: April 2001

If I remember correctly, you were the one that hung up on me….
But it’s o.k. I was wrong and you were right
Current mood: annoyed
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You may feel more reserved than usual – especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Even in the most intimate situations, you may be feeling apprehensive about expressing yourself fully. Be careful that you don’t end up sending messages to others that suggest that you don’t wish to be around them. People are apt to think that your reluctant nature is because of them. It is fine to be a recluse, but just make sure that you don’t completely alienate yourself in the process.
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NAME ANALYSIS FOR: Joseph Lamont Rogers
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Joseph:
You have a love of travel and adventure, and you enjoy sports. You also have a very strong sense of fair play and want justice. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You try to be prudent. You have good business acumen. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. You have a talent for working with people on a one to one basis. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts.
Lamont:
You are fair-minded sometimes to the point of being opinionated. You have a strong need to be loved and appreciated. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You are always involved with projects and things to do. You need to learn flexibility. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. Your privacy is important to you. You have a rich inner life.
Rogers:
You make impersonal decisions quickly, but not so with personal concerns. You like to think things over carefully, but tend to be indecisive. You need to learn flexibility. You are a hard worker when you make up your mind to do a job. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood. You have a lack of confidence in your mental abilities and do not like being forced into giving your opinion. You have a need to earn money to prove your success to society and must learn the true value of material gains and status.
Current mood: pissed off
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Gawd, from Manson to Jars Of Clay. Damn, I am such a freak
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Current music: Jars Of Clay – Liquid

So today was my twice-a-week lesson in humility known as Elementary Aikido. Well today, I went in with a different aditude. Maybe it was because of the fact that I haven’t been sleeping that well; tossing and turning all night long. Maybe it was the jelly beans that I finished off before I went to sleep last night. Hmmm, I wonder if it has something to do with the monitor smell? (which I don’t smell anymore). Well, regardless of what it was, I decided to go into class angry.
Anger has always been a part of my life. O. K. maybe not always, but for quite a while now. I could always count on anger to give me the extra strength to get me pass an obstacle. Of course there were times that I got burned in the process (Badly most of the time), but at least I got pass, right?
I do realize that love is ultimately a stronger and more lasting energy. And I do have love; more love than I have had in a long time. But it is still weak and in no condition to carry the burden of my so called life or 40 minutes of Aikido. And my love with Suzanne is there and strong, but that too is not strong enough to give me the energy that I need. That love is still fragile and in the LONG process of rebuilding. Hmmm, in hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t have taken so many whacks to it. I was scared though…..but I digress.
SO I decided to call up on anger to give me some strength in my Aikido class, which if you look at it, defeats the purpose of Aikido or any martial arts. But it worked; with the extra strength, I was just plowing through my exercises. The fires of anger gave me a new sense of energy that I have not had in the class in a long time. Even the teacher was impressed with my new found energy. I could see it in his eyes has I came down with my blow towards his head; of course I didn’t touch him and he promptly blocked the blow, twisted me around, and then slammed me on the ground. The point is that he noticed it.
But it took me awhile to gather the anger. Before, anger has always been hovering around the top of my emotions, just waiting to be released. But today, I had to dig deep and look for it. In fact, despair was the first emotion that came out and it almost overtook me. At one point, I was ready just to walk out of the class crying. But I held out and eventually anger rose up in me. It was sorta like this weeks Ally McBeal episode. I don’t watch Ally McBeal on a regular basis. I’m not even sure what compelled me to stay on FOX instead of changing. But I stayed and watched it In the episode Fish (i think that is his name; he the small lead partner) couldn’t find Barry White in his head. When he hears Barry in his head, he is confident and can kick ass. But somehow he had lost it and the episode was about him trying to find it again.
My anger was kinda like that today. It eventually came out, but it was choppy and inconsistent. Not the usual constant heat that washes over me. It is still with me now, but it is just smoldering. The whole roommate thing is keeping it alive a bit longer. Justin and Matt, **rolling my eyes** Justin is just doing his best not to be in the same room as I am. ANd the door was locked; wonder what he was doing. The fact that he was listening to Christian Coalition Talk Radio did not help my mood a bit….
…just to get off topic for a minute. I realize that liberal are often a bit addled in some of their beliefs and programs. But Republican and Democrats have to agree that ultra-conservative Republicans are just plan crazy. I mean sure democrats have their tree huggers and pot smokers and stuff. But ya’ll Republicans crazies are just crazy. I remember one time when Al Gore stopped in Fairfield to give a speech. There was a mob of Republican protestors outside the gym where he was speaking. I saw a friend who was talking to this one old guy. My friend left me with this guy and a hour later, I was able to lose this guy and his talk of the U.N. taking over the U.S. and how the U.N. had camps in Arkansas and Tennessee where their armies were practicing city fighting using real people. CRAZY, I tell ya. Anyway..,..
…And Matt has said all of 5 word to me this week and he is also avoiding me. I know that he is pissed that I am blasting Marilyn Manson with my door open. I think that he left because of it. Oh well, it is annoying dealing with those two, but it’s not that big of a deal. Overall we are all respectful of each other, and I got bigger stuff to worry about like school and work. And talking to my girlfriend is def. higher on the list of importance than my roommates.
So the question or point of this long post is about the anger. Because it took me awhile to get angry, does that mean that I am changing. Is my love strong enough to replace anger? Or should I fall back on to anger? Questions, questions….
O. K. Let’s see if this will post. Live Journal has been especially poopy lately. **sigh** today is going to be a long day, I can just feel it.
Current mood: irate
Current music: Marilyn Manson – Coma White

Question the validity of anything you come in conflict with today. You might find that people are acting on incomplete information, and that they are falsely accusing you of something you didn’t say or do. Work to bring harmony to the situation by getting the truth out on the table and helping the actual motivations be known. Words may be charged with strong emotions, so be gentle and have control over your words and your tone.
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Nothing like looking at the old alumni pages to get me a little depressed.
Actually, I was looking at San Leandro’s pages, not Vacaville. Most of the people on there I hardly remember. But there were a few names that brought back memories **sigh**
Finally cleaned out my e-mail. When I saw that there were 501 messages in the inbox, I knew it was time to clean. Now it’s down to 10 messages and I have the filters set up also. Now I can filter out all the forwards that Rosie sends me **rolls my eyes**. Next thing to do with the email is to email people. That will happen later.
The scanner is up and working. It’s pretty quiet, which I like. And it’s not as big as I though it would be. It is still taking up too much space though. I scanned a couple of things to try it out. I’ll do some serious scanning in a couple of days.
Waiting for Suzanne to come online. I hope she is doing O. K. I have a nagging feeling that could be just gas, or something else.
I should do some more reading, but I think that I am going to clean out my Favorites list. Or should I watch a DVD? Hmmm, decisions, decisions.
Current mood: accomplished
Current music: Listening to KLLC Alice 97.3 on the radio

Enjoying my new monitor. There is some kind of smell that is in the air though. Not sure if it is coming from the monitor or the monitor box. Maybe it’s “New Monitor” smell. Anyway, we will give it a couple of days to clear up.
Going to hook up the scanner after this post. I need to rearrange stuff to make room for it though. I think I will put the printer on the ground and put the scanner on the desk where the printer was at. Still need to figure out where I’m going to put the new computer at when it comes. Right now, the old computer is under my desk. I have a fan down there too because there is no air circulation. I want to put the new computer on the desk, but I don’t have enough room for the scanner, the monitor and the computer. I’ll have to figure something out; maybe I can rearrange the room. Probably not.
Deus Ex Machina – A God From A Machine….The game arrived in the mail today. Thanks Shawn!!! I can’t wait to play it. This will probably be the only game that I get for awhile (unless I break down and get EverCrack). I’m going to make an effort to beat this game, or at least come pretty close. I have so many games that I haven’t even come close to beating. Half-Life, for instance; I can’t get past the blast pit with the three tentacles. And I never finished StarCraft either, or Ultima anthology. O. K. I’ve beat most of the Ultimas on that CD when I had my Commodore 64 and 128. WHOOHOO!!!!! Old Skool Baby!!!!!
**sigh** Just took a shower and looking at myself in the mirror. I have def. gained weight. I am really feeling guilty about the sodas and the Taco Bell that I had today. Poop.
Well, I am def. taking some days off from work for school. I have enough leave time so that I wont loose any money. But I won’t have any leave time to use for a vacation or anything. It’s no big deal, with Suzanne in Europe, I’ll be working all the time anyway. **sigh** She is going to have so much fun in Europe; I wish that I could pack myself in her luggage and go with her. I wonder if I can make it to Europe before I turn 30. Hmmmm, I think that I will have to wait longer than that before I see the Eiffel Tower in person.
So there is this artificial stone call moissanite that my mom has been talking about for a couple of years now. I honestly though that she was crazy, and I went to a couple of jewelers and they didn’t know what I was talking about. Well, my brother sent me the link for the web site and it seems that my mom was right. My mom is such a trend spotter sometimes, it’s amazing. Unfortunately, I don’t have any money to buy her any jewelry, real diamonds or moissanite. She will have to settle for flowers.
There is so much I want to write, so much that I want to say, so much that I want to show. Sometimes I get all depressy and want to kill myself, yadda, yadda, yadda. But then sometimes, I am so amazed at life in general and the stuff that surrounds me. I am like a kid in a toy shop. I don’t know; like today, when I was coming home, I saw the fog coming over the hills in Brisbane and Daly City and it was just amazing. I mean you could literally see the fog cresting and pouring over the top of the hill and just flowing down it. It was just breathtaking and I wish that I had a digital camera in my eye so that I could take snapshots of it and post it for all to see.
Right now it is pretty foggy here at SF State. I wish that I was in my old place on the 15th floor of the resident apartments instead of the 6th floor at The Village. I loved that view. At night sometimes, before I went to sleep, I would just sit out in the living room on the sofa and just stare out into the fog. **sigh**
I think that I figured out why my neck is hurting. I think that I might have choked myself with the cord to my headphones. There are some marks on my neck that look like imprints from a wire or something. Usually I wake up and put my headphones away. I will have to be more careful I guess.
O. K. let me setup the scanner so that I can get it out of my system and I can do some reading for tomorrow.
Current mood: content
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