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I think it would be easier for my friends (and myself) to comprehend and to understand my behavior if I was in a cult.

“If you don’t understand your feelings, you’re pulled around by them all your life. If you understand but are unable to integrate them, you’re destined for years of pain. If you deny and despise their power, you are lost.”

.…did I give in to fear?

…to doubt?

…to insecurity?

…to cowardice?

…to nothingness?

…to alone?

…to surrender?

…to addiction?

…to numbness?

…to hate?

…to everything?

After 2.5 months, I finally folded/hung all of my clean clothes that had been in a huge pile on the floor next to my bed. Trying to think positively about it but the only thing that is positive is that I am a terrible failure of an adult.

…about the large print book I’m reading.

I wonder how many people have looked me up years later and thought to themselves, “Man, I dodged a bullet with this guy. What did I ever see in him?”

I feel like I always started end of year/new years post with this line. (I’ll have to do a search later). Still doesn’t mean it’s not true.