Weekend of torture

It’s a three day weekend and I should be out doing…something.  But my depression is setting in and all I want to do is to hole myself up in my room and do nothing.  It’s not like I don’t want to do nothing, but I have no one to do anything with.  And I am tired of going out by myself.  They say that you are suppose to go out to find someone, but what they don’t mention is the pain you go through when you don’t find anyone.  And I am tired of just being out by myself surrounded by the families, the friends, and the couples together.  Just has I am tired of being at home alone in my room.  I’m tired of fighting the urge to eat, to drink, to shoot up…trying to find temp ways to fill the void that I am.

I really want to go to work or the warehouse right now.  At least that way, I could at least be productive while being pathetic. Although Josef has banned me from the warehouse, I still have my keys.  An I am a manager after all.

**sigh** pathetic.

The devil card (in the tarot reading that I got at the ren faire last week) had a person stuck inside an open cage.  it certainly describes me; trapped in a prison of my own choosing.