Monthly Archives: September 2002

This is going to be the 9th weekend that I am alone….
Current mood: depressed
Current music: Marilyn Manson – I Don’t Like The Drugs (But The Drugs Like Me)

So Mike, my roommate, is once again on suicide watch for me, cause I am in my room with the lights off. I am not going to kill myself (the lights are off cause they will just make the room hot), although I am tired of Mike and people at work asking me if I am alright. O.K., I’ve been sick and under the weather for most of this week. I am not going to kill myself. Well, maybe if everybody keeps bugging me. 😛
Also tired of Mike (and everybody at work) asking me about Suzanne and I. I’m glad that I did wait until now to tell them about the breakup; otherwise I probably would have tried something stupid. Now, it’s annoying (esp. with Mike) but bearable. I know that they mean well and that they worry about me, still I guess it’s the independent spirit in me that wishes that everybody leave me alone with the breakup and the money difficulties. But, like I said, they are my friends; if they didn’t worry for me, then who would? I sure the hell wouldn’t.
Decided not to get ice cream. I weighted myself at work and I am at 190lbs. Still want to lose another 5-10 lbs. maybe. What I need to do is focus on getting muscles and loosing the gut and love handles (esp. since I have no one to use them anymore.) I need to use the machines more, I guess. And I should start doing crunches or sit-ups or something.
I HATE DOING SITUPS!
Current mood:
Current music: Whitney Houston, Deborah Cox – Same Script, Different Cast

**yawn**
**sigh** Damn these naps that I take. Poop.
Anyway. I would just like to say that I love women. The body of a woman is one of the greatest technical marvel ever. I was walking home today and just noticing all of the women walking by me. The redness of her hair (A natural red, not fake), the curve of her hips, the way she walks; you know, with that swish that you can’t help but stare at her ass, the way that her breast slightly jiggles; that doesn’t sound right…they weren’t bouncing…a slight vibration? Hmmm…They were just matching the stride that she had, the color on her legs has she waited for the bus, the laughter in her voice as she talked to her girlfriend over the phone, the tautness of her muscles has she stretched, the intensity in her eyes has she jogged pass, the way her eyes moved over the menu, trying to decide what to get, watching her lips has she lightly nibbles on her pinky finger….
This isn’t just about the tall, skinny woman. This was the overweight woman jogging pass me. This was the woman in the wheelchair reading her book. This was the short Asian woman on her cell phone. This was the older woman who walked in front of me with the great ass. This was about all women today and the beauty that is woman.
Current mood: awake
Current music: Aaliyah – It’s Whatever

FINE….Gawd. I will stop being a depressent little fuck and stop bitching about everything. The weather is just too perfect for me to be in a bad mood for too long.
Sent Mike W. home already, and Tim is already off for the day. I will stick around a bit longer just to make sure that nothing comes in. Thinking that I should go out and take some pics. Maybe if Mike G. goes surfing, then I’ll head out with him and snap some pics.
I wonder just how long this weather is going to last?
More importantly, I wonder if I have enough money to get some ice cream?
Current mood:
Current music:

Hell week continues for me. I had wanted to take off today and just hide underneath my blankets in my room. However Tim had an interview, so I had to come in today. And then tomorrow, I have a meeting at campus about renting warehouse space. Blah.
And then, I have been getting alot of crushlinks lately. I must be sick, cause I tried to figure out who sent me the link. Don’t worry, I used fake emal addresses, not real ones. So I know that the person who sent me the crush has less than 7 letters in their first and last name before I came to my senses and blocked all emails from Crushlink.
If anybody has a crush on me, I would rather you send me an email directly to me. Or you can send me a text message; or better yet, send some snail mail. Just no bloody rabbits or body parts, o.k.
Current mood:
Current music:

Feeling so alone and deserted
With people standing all around you
Should I trust someone
Should I stay off to myself
Alone with no one to talk to
It’s such a helpless feeling
Current mood: lonely
Current music: Janet Jackson – Lonely

blah…..
Yeah, MechCommander will probably keep my attention for another day or two before I stop playing.
Haven’t done any reading; decided to take a nap.
Now I’m bored and alone (Mike is off studying)
What to do?
Current mood: bored
Current music: Dave Matthews Band – Two Step

Oh man, this shitty week will just not end. I feel like so much crap. Even a shower didn’t help much. I really don’t want to eat, but I’m going to have something anyway. **sigh** another night….will work on finishing one of my books tonight.
Current mood: sick
Current music: Prince – Thieves In The Temple

ugh….I feel like crap. Like I am hung over or something; except that I didn’t have a drop to drink last night. I am just now getting into work and I already want to leave.
**looks at clock** this is going to be a long day.
Current mood:
Current music:

MechCommander 2.
ho-hum…It’s O.K., but I don’t think that it is going to keep my attention for long. Maybe I should have got MechWarrior 4, or better yet, stuck with my plan and got Office XP. Oh Well.
Book reading is starting to drag. Part of it is cause I’ll start reading one book, and then switch over to a different book, read for awhile, and then switch to another book. I should just read the books one by one. Anyway

• Blood Roses is good, but it reads just like the other book, A Feast In Exile. I’m only halfway through it, but I feel like I already know what will happen.
• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is great. Not great enough for Harry Potter to be in the Oxford Encyclopedia of modern classic literacy, but still really, really good.
• Empire is a blah read on Empires in the world today. Not as interesting as I thought it would be.
• Wild Seed is interesting in the fact that it is a sci-fi type book set in the 1700’s.
• Haven’t started Only In London and I haven’t opened the FrontPage 2000 Bible yet.

Brief Interviews With Hideous Men by David Foster Wallace is the book that is giving me the most trouble. It’s a collection for stories about men and the bastards that they can be. Anyway, there is one story that I just can’t get pass. It is so true and on point that I just start to tear up and have to stop. **sigh** talking about facing the man in the mirror. God, I am just a shit bastard. I really don’t deserve to live. Not going to kill myself, but a shit like myself doesn’t really deserve to be living.
Current mood: depressed
Current music: Indigo Girls – Language of the Kiss