Monthly Archives: September 2001

Notes from Antho Class…

Why do I get self conscious when there are black people talking behind me? I’m being self conscious, that’s all. Besides, I haven’t said anything for them to talk about me yet, not like in my Hist 642 class. When I first went into the class, this black guy said, “I’m glad that there is another brother in the class.” Then a week later, I saw and heard him mumbling about me because I took the side of a white guy who got beat up by some black guys. “The editor of the student newspaper, The Gater, was physically attacked by several black students after he wrote an editorial opposing outside funding for the college’s “special programs,” which included those of the Black Student Union. The argument was about if the students who attacked the editor should have been suspended and reinstated back into the school. I argued that the students shouldn’t be allowed back to the school because they attacked another student. The black guy said that in this case the, black students were justified in their attack.
In another instance, cause I ignored some black guys soliciting outside the Student Center, I got called a Tom and a sellout. And stuff like this happens to me all the time, when I don’t side with other black students in a class.
Out of all the racial comments that I have received or had to endure, the cruelest ones, the ones that have hurt the most, have come from other black people. The first time I was called a nigger was from another black person. This is the main reason that I have ignored my black heritage and focus more on my Korean and Asian heritage.
But on the other side is that I feel like that I can’t be accepted in the Asian or Korean society. In my Korean American class, I had to prove myself to my other Korean classmates, including the ones that knew nothing about Korea, never been to Korea, or spoke the language.
Where do I belong on the racial scale? It’s a question that I, for the most part, try not to answer by not acknowledging it at all. But America is a land that still uses race to measure itself, and sometimes I can’t ignore the racial line.
**sigh** I’m just proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free….
Current mood: depressed
Current music: Jars Of Clay – Tea And Sympathy

What I learned in my Chinese American Class Tonight

White people are responsible for all the suffering for Chinese Americans and all minorities.
Yeah, real eye opener for me too.
Anyway, I am not too impressed with my teacher. He just went on a conspiracy rant for hours. For the most part, his facts were right, but he did have some things wrong and he left out important facts about other things. I wanted to duke it out with him so bad, but I bit my tongue and just listen to him. I don’t really need this class…Wait a minute, I do need this class. **sigh** I guess I can’t really antagonize him too much. Anyway, I think that I am going to bust out some books and notes from other classes to use with this class.
I do not like Eddie. O. K. That is too harsh. Let’s just say that we have nothing in common. He is hardcore from the streets and I am not. Hmmm. I don’t know what I should do, but I know what I will do. I will most likely ignore him and stay within myself. I won’t ignore him, but I don’t think that I will go out of my way for him. That really shitty of my and I don’t know why I’m thinking this way.
So onward to other stuff. Cooking dinner for Suzanne on Friday. Cooking Pepper Sirloin Steak, Cheesy Garlic Bread, and Garden Stuffed Baked Potatoes, and I’ll dig up some kind of dessert. I think that I still have that Red Velvet Cake mix. Anyway, I got this thing of recipes, so I think that I will use them and then send them back.
O. K. Anthropology is tomorrow, so I need to read about native sexual habits tonight.
Current mood: calm
Current music: Madonna – Nothing Really Matters

someone is cooking something and

someone is cooking something and it smells real good.
Mia came over for a drink and I took her home to Oakland in the company van. She is going for her Masters and is trying to get into Harvard. **sigh** I am truly pitiful. Anyway, Mia is always fun to be with and it was good to see her again. She has classes M-W at nights, so I’m sure that I will run into her again.
Got the Dave Matthews CD from Michael. It’s not the right one, but I will copy it for Suzanne anyway. I’m just going to have to borrow all of the ones that he has and copy them all.
I don’t feel very well. I think that I’m going to goto sleep
Current mood: betrayed
Current music: Oasis – Cast No Shadow

Notes From Class

— I am going to fail this class.
— **sigh** Listening to the people around me talk about stuff just makes me realize how stupid I am. O. K., I’m not stupid; I just need to suck it up and just take care of this school stuff.
— I saw Mia Green (she is an old friend from high school); she is coming over after class so we can get some drinks and catch up on stuff.
— The teacher is here; let the slaughter begin.
— Lots of thoughts going through my head. I need to sort them out. “What Am I Doing With My Life?” Blah, blah, blah. What I need to do is find new questions to ask myself.
— What am I going to do? I think that I should have joinedthe Army; Let Uncle Sam decide my fate. Infantry, here I come. I wonder if it is too late to join. Just a minute ago, I was a person in charge, networking and socializing with five different people, walking through the halls like I owned them or something. Now I am sitting in a room with my classmates; calm on the outside, but quivering with fear and uncertainty.
— O. K. lets going with the rest of the class to look at tools.
— Looked at a display of documents from the Restaurant and Hotel Unions from the 1900’s to the present. Kind of fascinating. Wonder if there are any history records for Suzanne’s Electrician Union?
— Now in a presentation of theS. F. Strike from a labor/union view. There is a lot of information and it is very interesting. I wish that I could have a day to just sit and read all of it. But I have to figure out what to do a 15-25 page paper on. I was going to focus on the media coverage, but I think that I might focus on Hayakawa with some kind of relation to his Asian Amer background. **sigh** Blah, blah, blah. Like the shirt says, “Because you like to think people care…”
Current mood: blah
Current music: Madonna – Shanti/Ashtangi

Long Weekend

Friday I took my newly fixed car up to Antioch to see Suzanne. She cooked me a fabulious dinner of pork chops, potatoes au gratin, and some really kick ass garlic mushrooms. After dinner, we went to Dairy Queen for some ice cream and then back to her house to lay down on her bed and to act silly for a couple of hours.
Sat. we were suppose to meet at the Ren Faire, but Suzanne’s cell phone died and I left my Check card at home. All I had was $30 dollars and I needed gas, so I got gas and tried calling suzanne to make sure she was there, before I used the rest of my money to get in. But I couldn’t get a hold of her, so I spent most of the day with my friend Steph. and her child. I haven’t seen her in ages, so it was good to see the both of them. So I came home and talked to Suzanne for awhile and finished off with some studying.
Sunday, Suzanne came down to take me to the Academy of Science. I had a good time, although, we should have went on a weekday when there wouldn’t have been that many kids around. They had a kick ass cafe with some damn good fries.
After that we stopped off at the mall to look for wedding clothes for us. I went to Nordstroms to try on some suits, but I could find anything that I liked. We went to Macy*s to look at dresses. I made her try on some gold dresses that she didn’t like. O.K. one was really bad, kinda like a slutty moster girl look. The other one wasn’t as bad as she though it was…O.K. maybe it was. Anyway, she couldn’t find anything so we went to Borders to get something to drink and I picked up the new Bjork for myself and the Shawshank Redemption on DVD for Suzanne cause she has never seen it before (Can you believe it?). After that, she dropped me off and I headed home.
Has soon as I got home I get a call from her saying that she was in an accident. Thank God she wasn’t hurt. So I drove to the accident and the CHP was already there. The car doesn’t look too good. The front left tire is bent inwards and the left side is banged up all over. So she filed the report and the tow truck came to tow the car away. We got her stuff out and then I drove her back home. After awhile, I left and was driving home and just started bawling. When I first got that call, all I could think of was the accident that my mom got in when she was run off the road by a truck. But, I stayed calm and went to the accident to be with Suzanne and to make sure that she was O.K. and stuff. The same thing with my mom’s accident, my dad totally broke down and I had to be strong for everybody until things calmed down a bit and then I broke down and cried.
Current mood:
Current music:

Left class early cause talk

Left class early cause talk centered around the bombing and was starting to get ugly. Just like here at Live journal. I thought if I stop watching TV and listening to the radio, I could get away from most of it. I’d forgotten that LJ embodies one of the basic fundamental rights of our country in the right of free speech. Just too much hate, loss, ignorance, and sadness going around. So I think that I am going to go away from LJ for awhile while things settle down. The historian in me is fascinated by all of this, but the remains of my heart cannot stomach the hate and ignorance that I see more and more of.
**buries head into schoolbooks**
Current mood: depressed
Current music: The Doors – End (From Apocalypse Now)

That sucking sound is…

My Metro sucking $800+ out of me for repairs. I swear the next time that car breaks down, I am just going to roll it to the nearest recycling center and get my money for all of the alluminum on it.
**sigh** O.K. I do love my car, even though I’ve been an abusive parent to it. Well, it is fixed now, so I’ll probably hold off on a new car, and just save money so that I can put a good down payment on a new one sometime next year. Wondering if I should fix it up or not? the windshied has a huge crack in it that needs to get fixed. It could probably use a new paint job. I need a new attenna for the radio. And there is the busted tail light. Hmm. So should I spend time and money fixing those things on a car that is almost 10 years old and has almost 200,000 miles on it?
Yesterday, my computer was just beeping and whining for no reason. So I took it apart; OMG all of the fans were clogged. I spent about an hour just cleaning the damn thing out. I have it under my desk, so there isn’t really any air flow going on. I think that I will have to clean it every month or so.
The roommate situation is still a little grey. I am just not bonding with him and I’m worried that it is going to go the Quetzal route. He did something in the bathroom and their are unknown stuff in the tub. And we talked a little bit and we talked about strip clubs. I’m trying to keep the negative thoughts away, cause Casey taled with him for awhile and said that he is really cool and smart. I just haven’t seen any of that yet.
Those two innings of stickball have caught up with me today. Either that or sleeping with the window open at night is making me sore. Owwww….
O.K. lunchtime is over, back to the gridstone
Current mood:
Current music:

my two cents on the subject…

I have looked at the footage and a part of me still can’t believe what I’ve seen I kinda wonder if Spielberg or Lucas is behind the whole deal. If only it was just a computer scripted scene from a movie.
I’m kinda pissed off at the way that SF State handled the whole issue. All other campuses ware closed by 9am. SFSU didn’t decide until 11am to cancel classes. And they are still unsure if classes are going to be held tomorrow. It just seem like there isn’t any leadership going on.
Well, me and the guys worked at the warehouse today; we were able to get some stuff done. Also got in some games of cards and a couple of innings of stickball. Just some things to get the focus off of the events going on.
But something like this, it is hard to stray too far without coming back to the subject. I worry about the Arab community, both those who are Muslim and Christian. I worry about those who are from Pakistan and India, cause lets face it, when the vigilante groups go out, they aren’t going to tell the difference.
I worried about the next move; is this the pretext for war. Our generation is not ready for war. There was a lot of bluster, bravo, and patriotism going on, but when the subject of actually going to war and being in the military, talk changed to how fast one could get to Canada, and if there was a way to get an office job somewhere. I hate to say it, but my generation is not ready to fight a war of any kind.
I watch the leader of our country give a speech on T. V., and I really became afraid. I was actually looking for something much more firmer and comforting than the dribble that Bush read off of a teleprompter. **sigh** “Where are the leaders at?” Isn’t that from a song or something.
I worried about the blame that is being tossed to Middle East terrorist groups. We did the same thing when the Oklahoma bombing incident until we found out that it was some disgruntled American that killed his own countrymen.
I tired and disgusted by the media. Why have spies when you can turn on CNN to get your intelligence? And with this new incident, the networks fight each other to find the best angle of the plane crashing into the World Trade Center; experts and officials rush up to get their 15min of fame and air time to spew their “knowledge” on the subject. I wish that I could take the high road, but I was sucked into the media frenzy for most of the day too. Eventually, I changed the channel, but a disaster of this magnitude is on every channel. I eventually settled to watch it on the foreign news channels to see how they are covering it. I watched the BBC news, Telemundo news, and news programs in Vietnamese and Taiwanese. It was interesting to see the shots that they posted, although I couldn’t understand what was said.
Watching the Palestinians rejoicing in the streets was disturbing, but not surprising. I can sympathize and understand why they are celebrating. They have attacks like this every day in their country. It is sad that it took an attack of this magnitude to open our eyes to show us what they have already seen.
I do not agree with all the policies of the United States. People have this image of the US where we are the good guys and why do people hate us. Don’t we help people and other countries. The United States would never do the despicable acts that other nations do. In the U.S. history, we have invaded other countries other to claim lands that were not ours; we have cried out the virtues of freedom and democracy for all people, and then have taken those freedoms away. We have listen to countries pleading to us to help them with their struggles for democracy and just watch in silence has these nations were run over by other, more powerful nations. We have rallied against the torture of people, and in our history, we have killed people in ways akin to the Third Reich in Germany against Jews. I lived in Korea for 6 years and one of the most important lessons that I have learned is that being an American citizen does not mean that you are loved by the rest of the world.
And yet, I think that I am ready to go to war if it turns out to be the case. When I go to sporting events, I am usually one of the few people that takes their hat off or cover my heart. I am ashamed that most of the people that I know would rather leave the country than defend their country. That, I can’t understand. Although I don’t agree with everything in the U.S., I am still ready to serve and if necessary, give up my live for my country. I love my county, for all of it faults that it has. And it does have a lot of faults. I probably have help contribute to some of those wrongs. But with all that is wrong, there is so much that is right in this country and I would fight for all that is right in the U.S.
**sigh** such a rambling post, not sure if any of it makes sense, but I do feel a bit better.
Current mood: drained
Current music: Madonna – Take A Bow

I had another dream this

I had another dream this weekend, but I forgot it now. 🙁
Current mood:
Current music:

Notes from my History Class…

I am going to die!!!
Oh man, am I going to die!
I am going to fail this class and die!
I am going to lose my job and die.
I am going to live out of a cardboard box and die!
I am going to die!!!
I am going to die over the Internet!!!
I am going to the 6th floor of the library to die!
I am gong to die by the squeaking of the professors chair.
I need to go to a web site to die.
Did I mention that I am going to die?
I wonder if it is too late to change majors and die?
One more time, I am going die.
Changed classrooms; still going to die.
I have to tell Suzanne that I love her before I die.
I have to get a haircut before I die.
I get to plan my death and have my classmates plan my death.
“Are you gonna diiiie!?!” aks Jar Jar Binks.
I get to narrate my death; Oh Joy!!!
I think that I want to die…
I think that I am going to die…
O. K. I’m not really going to die. But it will be tough…
Damn, I just dropped my back scratcher out the window.
Anyway, I have a new roommate. The last 15 minutes we have talked about drugs. Not a good sign. Yup, not a good sign indeed.
There is a shit load of stuff that I need to do before I sleep tonight, so I’d better get too it…
Current mood: uncomfortable
Current music: Santana – Migra