In hindsight, I should have not driven out there. I mean, I was already stressing that I haven’t really done much on my papers and I was planning on having them done early, or at least not so last minute.
And when she told me that Shandra was going to be there, that really should have been the warning bell. But I figured that it was important for me to be there as the loyal and loving boyfriend. Besides, I wanted to see her.
God! How can I screw up so bad in such a short period of time. **sigh** I have to apologize to Kimberly too; Oy Vey…even if she accepts my apology, she’ll hate me.
Part of me just wants to get really fucking stoned right now. Peter’s been trying to get me to smoke with him for so long. When I’m finally ready to do it, he’s out of town.
I wish that I was dancing right now. I don’t care if it’s at a club or a rave. I just need to surrender my body to the music and just dance to exhaustion.
Maybe a couple of shot of alcohol would work. Hmmm, I only have Puckers. Not the alcohol I’m looking for. SOme Tequila would be nice about now. Or maybe some Vodka or Whiskey.
**sigh** Drugs and Alcohol aren’t the solution to my madness. If anything they would get me into even more trouble than I’m already in.
Well, I guess I’ll do what I always do: Lock the door, change into my sweats and a tee, cover myself in my mink blanket, and put on BT and follow the ambient beat out of this world for awhile…
Current mood: moody
Current music: BT – Blue Skies (w/Tori Amos)
A 40-something rediscovering life in California