Book Of Questions – Love & Sex: Question #169

You are beginning an exciting romance and learn that your partner, who badly wants children, would almost certainly leave you if he or she discovered that you were unable to have kids.  If you were almost sure that you could never have a child, would you try to hide the fact for awhile or reveal it right away

I feel like I’ve answered this question before, but can’t seem to find the post right now.  If I found out that that my partner wanted kids and I couldn’t have any, I wouldn’t hide the fact, but I wouldn’t come right out and say it either.  Being the coward that I am, I would just be silent about it until the subject came up.  Kathy definitely wanted children and we talked about having two of them (Boy named Michael and a daughter named Vanessa).  April and Suzanne were both anti children so it didn’t matter.  When I say anti children, not that they didn’t like kids, they just didn’t want to have any of their own.  With my current lovers/fuck buddies, since they are not committed relationships, the conversation has never come up and I can’t imaging them wanting children in the situations that they are in.

When I was younger, I did want to have children in my dream marriage.  The fantasy was to have one beautiful, perfect daughter named Vanessa (Vanessa means butterfly.)  She would have been daddy’s little girl and no man would be good enough for her.  She would have been the reason I took gun shooting lessons and have a shotgun hung out in the open for any young suitors to see.  It was a running joke with my friends through college and how I would spoil her and have me wrapped around my fingers.

Now a days, I can’t imaging me having any children at all.  The years dealing with my depression has worn me down considerably and I just can’t see having a child that would have to deal with my condition, even with me on medication and going to therapy.  I just wouldn’t want to put someone that young through that.  Also with me dealing with my mom, who is dealing (badly) with her own depression reinforces this belief with me.  And with one of my FWB, they are also dealing with depression and bi-polar.  Could not think of putting a child in between the two of us with our conditions.

The other thing is that if I did find someone that wanted a child and I couldn’t have one and if I could cure my depression, I would totally be up for adoption.  Since I was adopted myself (confusing situation that I really need to investigate/post about some time), I would be perfectly fine with adopting a child.  Maybe even foster care; although I would have to think about it a bit.  One of my other FWB was adopted, so I think if they wanted a child, they would be more willing/accepting of adopting someone.  Even if her name wasn’t Vanessa.