Book Of Questions: Love And Sex–Question #108

Do you think saying “I love you” to someone means more or less to you than it does to other people?  What about having sex?

I think it depends on the person whether saying “I love you” means more or less, which is probably not a good thing.  I mean love should be equal to everyone, but I do have different levels.  I like to think that I like to hold saying the words until I am sure of it with someone.  But I also know that I am a hopeless romantic at heart and if I didn’t guard my heart, I would be saying it to everyone and giving my heart out every day. Actually at this point, I’ve pretty much put my heart up on the shelf.  I did open up to Teresa twice, but was gently rebuffed both times.  At this point now in my life, I don’t think that I could give my love to anyone.  There have been others that I think wanted me to give my love to them.  But the issues that we both have has kept me from expressing them back.  My depression is a…large piece of luggage that I wouldn’t want anyone to carry with me.  I can barely carry it myself.  And it really doesn’t go good with any other luggage.

Sex is a totally different thing altogether.  Sex can be just physical, so you can throw it out whenever and wherever you want.  I’ve had plenty of sex and hookups that have meant nothing; just physical lust and satisfaction.  And afterwards, gone about my business and finish off my day.  Making love is a little different because there is a emotional level involved and with that I’m more cautious with.  I guess the thing is that I’ve never been with anyone that started with casual sex to a committed relationship.  The committed relationships always started platonic and worked up to any kind of physical relationship.   I have FWB which is the closet to going from friends to sex.  This is getting complicated and convoluted (probably because of how hot it is in this waiting room).  Maybe I’ll redo this entry later…

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