More non-journal ranting

Taking it old school like this is LiveJournal 2001.

Should I have moved up here 4 years ago. Was I a fool to think that I could make a difference and change either of them. I gave up my friends, my career, and my life, how pitiful it was not withstanding. But here I am, clawing at a career that always seems to just escape my grasp. “Taking care” of two stubborn elderly people that don’t want to be taken care of. And I can barely take care of myself. I want to die and they want to die too, but we all are too afraid or lazy to do it ourselves. We want someone else to pull the trigger. Meanwhile we spiral into self destruction, doing the things we know we shouldn’t do. But we do it anyway because we don’t know what else to do or too afraid to do what we know we need to do. The one good thing to come out of this is that Eric was able to escape the black hole that the rest of us are trapped in. He has a beautiful wife and a healthy son to anchor him on this mortal plane. I worry that he is too alone in Indonesia sometimes, with none of his friends nearby or available. The time difference is a difficult thing to overcome, even with all the technology we have at our fingertips today. But it is better that he is away from all of this. I actually hope that they don’t come over to the house and they force us to go to the hotel to see Max. Superstitiously I worry that the funk that surrounds us and the house will somehow transfer onto him. **sigh** Maybe it’s just the chaos of the weather weighting on me. Rain to sun to rain to hail to sun to rain. I should head home before the rains start again.

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