Book Of Questions – Love & Sex: Question #92

Who initiates sex more often, you or your partner?  When one of you feels like having sex, how does he or she let the other know?  Ideally, how would you like your partner to go about initiating sex?

My partners initiate sex more than I do.  Not that I’m lazy or not horny or anything.  I think it’s just a safety reflex from most of my partners being virgins and just protecting myself from any incriminating circumstances. Is that selfish?  Seems like a pretty safe practice to me.  Everyone involved is protected and all that.  I don’t think any of my partners would say that I raped them or anything.  But sex is such a more complex thing than just sticking a penis into a vagina and thrusting back and forth.

When I want to have sex, I do the rubbing technique where i start rubbing parts of my partner’s body working my way to their breasts/penis.  It’s at that point where I either get the go or no-go signal for sex.  If I get a no-go, then I just stay in a holding pattern still being close and rubbing if I can until they initiates.  All of this is usually above clothes and just arm or leg skin.  If they are interested, I let them move my hands to the next level.  probably a passive-aggressive way of doing things, but it gets the job done.  I’m probably too shy and insecure just to come out and say, “I want sex now, {insert person’s name here}.

With the internet and everything, you would think it would be easier to have sex.  But in some ways, it’s even more complicated.  Don’t have the right picture, or description, you’re out.  If you get to chat, you have to be entertaining and interesting without being too entertaining or interesting or you get ghosted.  You have to watch out for catfishers and under/over aged people.  Very exhausting.  Gay men should have it even easier with bath houses to goto.  I mean, it’s almost the definition of wanting sex.  But even there, you have to put on airs and walk around.  Not being too eagered or come off looking like a troll or a stalker.  Too passive and you are just jacking off in your room or in a corner.

I think the hanky code of the 70’s was a great idea.  With phones, there should be a bluetooth app that if you are walking by someone who wants sex and meets your requirements, an alarm goes off or something.  Probably safety concerns I’m not thinking about at 8am in the morning.  **sigh**  I wonder if we could read minds would that make it easier.  or just a glow or aura we could project on ourselves to let our partner know we want a blow job or our breasts played with.