Daily Archives: July 15, 2006

Written Journal Entry (Sometime in July 2006; continued)

Now I remember why I hate the bus.  Although to be fair, it isn’t that bad.  Still, unless gas prices go higher or my car breaks down, I won’t be on Muni any time soon.

Besides, If i get Paul’s Job, I won’t even have to drive.  I could walk.  Big if there.  They (i.e. Rob and Brian) are taking too long in deciding about the extra $ that I want.  If I don’t hear from them today, maybe I’ll take back my offer.  Bah.

Not sure why I am going to Cindy’s memorial tomorrow.

Not sure why I decided to come to JT’s instead of that place downtown.  Bad coffee is never a good sign.

Anyway….yeah….so…..

Forgot to take my Prozac.

Do I still want to drive to Santa Cruz to wash my car.  Probably not. Drive to Santa Cruz.

While not the worse experience (that would have to be the Coco’s in Walnut Creek incident)  This was def. not the best (JT’s Jazzy Java Diner)

Newest thrill is to ride Muni…at night.  Ha!  What a thrill seeker I am.I’m hoping that a trip around town will wake up my brain and give me some ideas.

So far nothing.

I kinda wish that my phone could do real handwriting recognition so I could post this.  The best it has is to recognize one letter at a time.  Not the most efficient way to make a post.

3×5 =15×4 = $60

Amount/month if I took muni to work.  Considering how little I spend on gas, I’m not sure if it would be worth it.

Going to visit the family tomorrow.  Apparently they bought new furniture and painted the inside of the house.  Obviously they are not worried about money.  So I guess they are doing fine.

I just realize that I’m going to the ghetto.  This should be fun.

Written Journal Entry (Sometime in July 2006)

So fat and the espresso shake that I just had isn’t really helping.  I really have to control myself better.  More will power.  I need more willpower in a lot of things.  A lot of things.

Still need to get keys made; will do it tonight.

Don’t believe that I’m taking Paul’s job.  I have a feeling that I am going to get fucked.  Hopefully it won’t be too bad.

I need to figure out how much to ask for.  $5000 more than they offer.

Greed, Anger, Ignorance

Some of the things that are chained to me and keeps me pinned down.

Sometimes…I miss my friends.  Although I am learning to live without them…maybe live is too strong of a word since I am not living

I wonder if I have made the correct choice; maybe I should ask for forgiveness.  However, in the end, I think I have made the right decision.  Some have made attempts to contact me, but i know they are half hearted at best.  They have given up on me, has I knew they would, has I wanted them too.  The condition that I am in, I am in no place to be a friend to anyone.

Regardless, what is done is done.  And for good or bad, it is one less thing to deal with.  Or rather it has been dealt with and I can narrow my focus.

“I have the sense to recognize that I don’t know how to let you go…”

I don’t want to be here.  I want to be home crying on my bed.  I don’t want to be outside, trying to force myself to be at ease with myself, to love myself. But I do what I have to do.