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I am thankful for my friends and family knowing that they will be there whenever I figure out whatever it is that I need to figure out…

At the movie theater in the dying mall near my apartment to see Wakanda Forever. True test of my Morderna and Pfizer vaccines. Bonus no mask.

At least the theater is empty

**edit** I have a cold. 🤧🤮

Sunday breakfast at Bacon in downtown Novato. Lots of flies inside; normally enough that I would leave an find another place to eat. But since I left the house late, I know all the other places will be just as packed. And apparently I am starving so I will endure for now. But not getting coffee quickly enough might change my mind…

Coffee is definitely a great equalizer or at least it soothes the savage beast. Hoping the dusting of sugar I left at the other end of the table will be enough to appease the fly gods. it’s not looking good so far as they continue to harass me as wait for my breakfast.

Plan was to go out and get a two drawer filing cabinet. But the flies are slowly draining my energy and I don’t have faith that the breakfast will give me the pick me up that I had earlier imagine.

How long has it been since my self imposed exile? And what do I have to show for it? Just endlessly swatting flies away like a Sisyphusian (sp?) task.

Ok the flies win. Going to have my order boxed up and either go home or eat in my car.

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Enjoying and Italian dessert while waiting for my laundry to be done. Also watching the world pass by trying not to play “Spot the Minority” although it’s hard not to. I really should have brought a journal with me, although I still don’t think I’m ready to put my thoughts done on paper still. The espresso shot in the dessert should keep me enough to get laundry done and to get back home. It’s a nice Bay Area fall day; clear skies in the low 70°s. No fog to be seen where I’m at, but I can feel it just off the Pacific coast, just waiting to roll back inland over the hills. **sigh** I really do just want to lay down on a grassy hill and let the breeze just lullaby me to sleep. There is a tree that sticks out from the others in my view. It rises up and splits in to two trunks and they look like they would make a perfect spot to set up a hammock and just sway and relax in the breeze.

30 minutes and only one Asian has passed by. It’s like I’m in southern or middle Oregon again…

Just another distraction so I ignore the true thoughts that I should be focusing on.

Over 20 years since I’ve been to the Buttercup in Vallejo. I think it was our first date; breakfast before going to the Renaissance Faire at Black Point. I remember the restaurant being brighter; or was that just because I was with you. I don’t remember what we talked about, but I imagine I was trying to act cool and collect around you. I remember walking under the trees of the fair, you being entranced by the faire and me being entranced with you.

Nothing like a freezer alarm to wake you up early on a Sunday morning. We’ll I did want to go out to breakfast I guess this works.

Still not sure what I’m doing with myself. Still no purpose for my life.

Sometimes you need to be reminded of why you left something behind. Like this Subway sandwich, which is pared perfectly with the emptiness of my soul.

Last week was a major bust with no progress made on anything. I think I cleaned but by the end of the weekend the apartment was just as messy as before. I wonder if it smells in the apartment even with the windows open.

It’s so hard for me to lie/think positive thoughts. How can I lie to myself without knowing that I’m doing that. Maybe I seriously should look into hypnotherapy. Just afraid I’ll be taken advantage of which is stupid since I have so little.