Category Archives: Uncategorized

Jackie O

**note** Is it wrong to ask you not to reach out to the family. I’m not sure but I’m going to ask you anyway to not reach out.

A couple of weeks ago, my aunt Jackie passed away. I flew out for the viewing & celebration of life. She was a sweet and caring soul, bonafide fashionista, and just a bright guiding light for the family, friends, and the church. Between my biological mom passing away and my dad still overseas, she raised me for a while with her family.

It was good to see all of the family and friends that came out to pay their respects and to celebrate her. It was good to cry too, like to know that I can feel sadness and loss unconditionally without questioning if it is genuine or not.

**sigh** I really did think that she would live to 100. And now she is with her husband, her sister, and my dad now.

I tried to think of happier times with Aunt Jackie and to celebrate to stories that other’s shared, but selfishly I fought thoughts of how disappointed she is with me, even though I know it’s not true. Disappointed that I could not repay her for all she has done for me. The false narrative is so strong in my mind. I am so deaf and blind to what is true. But Aunt Jackie is a guiding light in the night, bright enough to give me at least a general direction to head in.

“It’s Filipino food; it’s like Chinese…”

All of the beautiful people

At SFO enjoying my overpriced pho while watching all of the beautiful people walk by. The line to get into the airport club is kind of crazy. Not as crazy as the toupee that just walked by but crazy enough.

I thought all of the beautiful people were looking the same, but some of them are walking back and forth past me. And my midnight flight is delayed 30mins. Sleep is for the weak anyway.

Even with it being a pre Thanksgiving weekend, I wonder what are the chances of me seeing some one I know, or vice versa. Man, I def feel like I’m on the lower end of the food chain right now. Am I that ugly?

The Lego store across from me is also tempting. I do want that tiger picture I put on my wish list. I guess it’s a good thing that the store just closed.

A power where the closer connection I had with someone the brighter they would glow or maybe different colors. Would that be all darkness or would the light be too overwhelming.

Ok, go pee and figure out what to do for the next three hours.

Digital Jouraling

Left the journal at home with my backpack, so time for an actual entry instead of posting a quiz or fortune cookie fortune. Getting over a minor cold/flu this weekend. Was tired/achy yesterday but now tired from the NyQuil I took. Sick or not laundry must be done. Too old to ignore it and goto TJ Maxx to buy clothes to tide me over. Besides, apartment management is coming in next week to test fire alarms so I have to get the apartment clean. Wallowing in my own mess is one thing, but I can’t have management know I live like that. **cluch pearls** what would the neighbors say.

Also ramping up for the holiday blues. I should get my light therapy lamp set up for the mornings. I don’t know, I’m in full “Just trying to make it to the end of the year” mode. Like just skip the rest of the days and go into 2026. Should I even pretend to be hopeful for the future?

Video

Hikikomori: The Japanese People Who Chose Extreme Isolation

YouTube player

Dream

The dream was so vivid I thought it was a prophecy…

…but sometimes a dream is just a dream.

Time to floatTime to float all of my aches and thoughts away

#truerestnapa

Chork or Fork Stick?

San Gregorio Beach

The Sopranos

YouTube player