So decided to goto the Giants game by myself tonight. Would have been the perfect opportunity to invite…anyone with me, but decided to go alone.
It was SF State night so I got my hooded long sleeve shirt (I could have sworn it said sweatshirt). I was going to save it as a gift but I was cold and always underdress for the ballpark. So we’ll see; I guess I could wash it/dry clean it and gift it.
Well I had my hotdog, had my Irish coffee, and got my pin for my jacket. I survived the game without a panic attack or running into anyone (I did see someone from my SFSU days but they didn’t see me). I did seat next to a couple from Vacaville (small world) and was able to small talk.
But the big question my therapist will/would ask if I enjoyed myself. And the truth is I think I was numb to the whole experience. I clapped when I needed to clap; I boo’d when I needed to boo; and cheered when I needed to cheer. I think there might have been a spark of true emotion when the guy proposed on the Jumbotron. But I probably would have felt the same inside next to the bar or watching at home. I am pretty numb right now. I am…grateful that all of the couples or groups of friends and families didn’t affect me. But is this a victory or a failure? Maybe it is was it is and nothing more.
At least it was a quick game since I have to host a meeting at work tomorrow.
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