Monthly Archives: August 2024

I suppose I was a fool to believe that I would be worthy of forgiveness. Repercussions of my actions; make my bed and all that. Still, it hurts and proves to the voices that they were right; that I was truly a fool to think and believe.

But enough of cycling between crying and distracting. Hunger is the one sensation I can’t fight. If only I could only be a depressed starving person instead of filling the hole with food. I tell myself that it’s better than alcohol or drugs, but I wonder if it is really.

If I could just cross that line of lying to myself that I’m happy and believe it. Why can’t I just jump into the gaping hole and let the lie just wash over and consume me?

I’m tired of the alien larva that is gestating in my left eyeball twitching all the time. Just pop out and devour me already.

Stopped by Stonestown Galleria on the way home. It has changed so much from when I was at SF State or even before I left for Washington in 2014. Wow 10 years. But it still has the vibe of yesteryear with a mix of high schoolers, college couples, moms, and elderly Asians weaving in and out of the stores and each other.

If I’m upset about people ghosting me, why did I ghost people. Is the reason the same? Do they have the same depressive thoughts that I have and feel unworthy of friendship and love?