My mind has been my own worse enemy for a long time now and nothing has changed now that I’ve fled to California. Saw Teresa play hockey and wave to a guy and have been battling my mind ever since. Messaging her this morning didn’t really help things. But still to scared to directly ask her the questions I should be asking. Or is this all in my head. Too truly be able to trust my thoughts and live doubt free. A reachable goal or delusional fantasy?
And the drama surrounding my parents still reach out trying to pull me back in completely. I though Eric and I had things figured out. But he is messaging me that they can’t afford assisted care now. What about the house being sold. Are they going to be on the streets? Like always, putting my head in the sand would be the most enticing choice I could make. But it needs to be confronted so that’s what I’ll do…eventually.
My body continues to slowly heal, frustrating me to no end. I just want the pain to end. Which I know my mom probably says every day regarding her pain. Being down here and reconnecting with people is def helping. But I need something more. Whatever that is, maybe I should accept that it might not come from Teresa like I would like it to.
**sigh**. DBT on my own will not be enough, I need to find a group.