Book Of Questions: Love And Sex–Question #106

In what joint activities do you support and help your partner while he or she runs the show, and in what activities does your partner do this for you?

This is one of those questions that is hard to answer because I have been single for so long.  I know that I can be supportive to a partner and have been in the past.  However, with my depression, I also know and realize that there have been times that I wasn’t there for my partner.  But I don’t think many, if any, have been joint activities.  Like it’s been their event or thing and I was there to help or support as needed, but it wasn’t my thing.  If that makes sense.  Hmm, thinking back I don’t think that I had any activities or things that I did with my partner.  Like I never went to the gym and worked out with any of them.  I think Suzanne and I played Diablo II together a few times, but it was still hard to setup a LAN back then.  And while Teresa and I are both interested in some of the same sports like soccer and hockey, we are miles apart in interest and skill level (she would mop the floor with me).  With sex, I’m usually the passive one because I’m afraid of going overboard without the consent of my partner.  And in general, I’m more into pleasuring my partner than worrying about my own pleasure.  And that is an issue.  I take charge occasionally, but like I said before, it’s such a moving target when it comes to sex and consent.  Which sounds like the beginning of a defense of rape, so I really should clear it up.  The thing with sex (for me anyways) is that I’m afraid to let go of control completely and to let the sexual urges and drive take full control.  In most ways, it was to respect my partners wish not to have intercourse before marriage.  There are other things you can do before reaching that point, but the closer you get to that point, the more pressure your sex drive puts on you and I’m always been afraid of losing control and crossing that line.  So even with partners that are O.K. with me going all the way, it’s hard for me to release my drive and to open up completely.  Or like you are making out and it’s getting hot and heavy.  You stop and look around for a condom, but can’t/don’t have one.  The smart thing is to go get some or hold off on sex.  But the drive is raging so you try to think of a way to go on without one and you wonder if saran wrap would work.  I think I got a bit off the point of the question.  So yeah, I would try to support my partner and I hope my partner would support me and that I would let them support me.