So exercise is one of the key points in order to fight depression (and everything else wrong with me). But exercise doesn’t make me happy or anything like that. It makes me angry(ier) at myself and everything around me. Do I want to replace depressed with anger/hatred? I mean it does lead to The Dark Side and they do have cookies. But maybe life is more than cookies. Or maybe not; I mean I’ve wasted enough of it already has it is.
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Im just going to pretend that this day never really happened. I think it’s the adult thing to do. And I’ll do it without wiping my mind blank with alcohol. I’ll use whatever imagination and mind power I have left to wipe it away.
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A “mild” panic attack to end the work day. Can I make it thru the ferry ride to Bremerton without stripping naked, setting myself on fire, and then jumping into the sound.
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Why am I picking a fight with my boss knowing that I won’t win it, regardless if I’m right or wrong? Why am I trying to get fired. Can I survive until I switch over to Prozac and my emotions disappear?
And why don’t animated GIFs work on my site?
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Trying to quiet my thoughts and soul with some Jasmine tea at the Ugly Mug. It is relaxing watching the tea to seep in the steamy water. Not enough though.
Thoughts on going back to Prozac highlight the other negative thoughts swirling in my head. Being zombified on Prozac would make a lot of things easier. Like the fact that I don’t get to the Univ. Dist. early enough to really relax and enjoy my drink before work.
Is my life like this Leaning Tower of Pisa, always looking like it’s going to come crashing down but somehow holding steady? Or is the lesson that I am a broken toy on a shelf in the back collecting dust.
And thoughts like these are why I am no where near quietness in my mind.
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