Monthly Archives: March 2016

So not in the mood today. Trying to get in a more positive frame of mind, but only negativity is coming out right now.

Also on a caffeine high due to the Stumptown chocolate cold brew. Man, I do like when I can feel the caffeine racing in my veins. The crash on the ferry this evening will be great. 

Need to find a way to copy all of quizzes from Facebook to here. Another pointless task to add to the list so that I think I have stuff to do.  

 Man, what an ugly mug I have. And I really need to get new headphones. Ok, enough useless banter. 

Finally sharing some love on my poor, neglected blog. 

It’s a beautiful late winter day here in Seattle and all I can feel is the weight of my thoughts and depression weighting me down. Not even the ones occasional eye candy walking by my or the sun shining down on me can lighten the burden that I’m carrying. Being a pro a depression, I have the mask on tight and (I think) I have everyone at work fooled.

Being at work is suppose to be my sanctuary from my thoughts and problems at home. But I’m not feeling very safe here. In fact, I’m more worried about being fired while Megan is gone to Europe for vacation. The fears are unfounded, but the voices assure me that I will do something and that Ann will get mad and let me go. I really don’t think my psyche would be able to handle it. I wish it was easily put away in my mind. 

And mom is not helping. Did she want me to move up here from San Francisco just to watch her kill herself?  And here I am with cowardly thoughts that I would be better off when they both die. What kind of son am I to think that. Again, I let my fear have too much control and it’s harder to push those thoughts aside. If only I was braver or more confident in myself and things. 

What am I going to do?