Jackie O

**note** Is it wrong to ask you not to reach out to the family. I’m not sure but I’m going to ask you anyway to not reach out.

A couple of weeks ago, my aunt Jackie passed away. I flew out for the viewing & celebration of life. She was a sweet and caring soul, bonafide fashionista, and just a bright guiding light for the family, friends, and the church. Between my biological mom passing away and my dad still overseas, she raised me for a while with her family.

It was good to see all of the family and friends that came out to pay their respects and to celebrate her. It was good to cry too, like to know that I can feel sadness and loss unconditionally without questioning if it is genuine or not.

**sigh** I really did think that she would live to 100. And now she is with her husband, her sister, and my dad now.

I tried to think of happier times with Aunt Jackie and to celebrate to stories that other’s shared, but selfishly I fought thoughts of how disappointed she is with me, even though I know it’s not true. Disappointed that I could not repay her for all she has done for me. The false narrative is so strong in my mind. I am so deaf and blind to what is true. But Aunt Jackie is a guiding light in the night, bright enough to give me at least a general direction to head in.

“It’s Filipino food; it’s like Chinese…”

All of the beautiful people

At SFO enjoying my overpriced pho while watching all of the beautiful people walk by. The line to get into the airport club is kind of crazy. Not as crazy as the toupee that just walked by but crazy enough.

I thought all of the beautiful people were looking the same, but some of them are walking back and forth past me. And my midnight flight is delayed 30mins. Sleep is for the weak anyway.

Even with it being a pre Thanksgiving weekend, I wonder what are the chances of me seeing some one I know, or vice versa. Man, I def feel like I’m on the lower end of the food chain right now. Am I that ugly?

The Lego store across from me is also tempting. I do want that tiger picture I put on my wish list. I guess it’s a good thing that the store just closed.

A power where the closer connection I had with someone the brighter they would glow or maybe different colors. Would that be all darkness or would the light be too overwhelming.

Ok, go pee and figure out what to do for the next three hours.

Digital Jouraling

Left the journal at home with my backpack, so time for an actual entry instead of posting a quiz or fortune cookie fortune. Getting over a minor cold/flu this weekend. Was tired/achy yesterday but now tired from the NyQuil I took. Sick or not laundry must be done. Too old to ignore it and goto TJ Maxx to buy clothes to tide me over. Besides, apartment management is coming in next week to test fire alarms so I have to get the apartment clean. Wallowing in my own mess is one thing, but I can’t have management know I live like that. **cluch pearls** what would the neighbors say.

Also ramping up for the holiday blues. I should get my light therapy lamp set up for the mornings. I don’t know, I’m in full “Just trying to make it to the end of the year” mode. Like just skip the rest of the days and go into 2026. Should I even pretend to be hopeful for the future?

Video

Hikikomori: The Japanese People Who Chose Extreme Isolation

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…In Bed

Introducing DJ AI…Exploring My Last.fm Top Tracks: A Musical Autobiography

Decided to run my last year Last.FM top 50 through AI…

This is a fantastic list—it’s eclectic, emotional, and layered. Your Last.fm top tracks paint a picture of someone who uses music as both a mirror and a compass: reflecting your moods but also guiding you through them. Let’s break it down.

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Disney World Gift

My coworker went to Disney World and I asked for a Tigger Bottle Opener. They didn’t have it so they got me something even better.

Dream

The dream was so vivid I thought it was a prophecy…

…but sometimes a dream is just a dream.

Digitally Annoyed

Usual Sunday afternoon in Larkspur doing laundry. Forgot journal at home and don’t want to doomscroll for 30 minutes so here I am.

The usual anger/disapoontment with myself getting stuff done, yet not enough done. Particularly attacking myself over my computer. Tried to upgrade the power supply and graphics card. It seems like I did everything right, but no display when I turned it back on. Will tinker with it when I get back but hoping/praying I can reinstall the old graphics card and get it back to what it was before I started this project. If I can do that, then I can return the graphics card and wait until I am ready to upgrade to an entirely new system. If I can’t get anything to work, do I take it in to see if Geek Squad can fix it? Or pay them to tell me that they can’t and have them sell me a new system. Reason I bought the graphics card was to get ahead of tariffs. Partly using this to avoid dealing with things, but just annoyed with myself over everything about me.

Annoyed with my eye and lack of progress with it getting better. I can see and do things, but the blurriness is annoying.

I’m just annoyed about everything about myself today. Is that better than being depressed, or sad? The thought that “it could be worse” is again annoying. Rather be indifferent or apothetic or numb. I guess I should be thankful, but…you know.