Book Of Questions – Question #116

How many different sexual partners have you had in your life?  Would you prefer to have had more or fewer?

Surprised this question popped up in this book instead of the sex & love version, but I suppose it is in that one too.  Anyway, I have had…**starts counting fingers**…lets say 20.  That’s a decent number.  Most have been one-nighters or other illicit events.  Only 5 major sexual partners that I can think of.  To rephrase that only five people that I have made love to, the rest have just been sex in some form or another.  Not in the right mood to reminisce over those sexual partners (at least to put those thoughts down on here.)  15 was the first one and it was a mess.  I’d like to think that I’ve been a bit better since then.  My main issue has been my self-esteem and how it has gone down over the years, which is somewhat ironic since I can be an arrogant SOB at times (at least in my head).  But that has definitely kept me from having more sexual partners.  Even the invention of the internet and online dating/hook-up sites hasn’t increased that number too much for me.  Which if I want to put a good spin on it, has kept my risk for sexual diseases low.  But I do wish I was a little more promiscuous in life.  Like a semi-extended slut period just to get all the sex out of my body and out the way.  I think the internet also hurt me because it’s way too easy to stay home and look at porn and not have to deal with the rejection of going out to find sex or dealing with the swiping and ghosting of online dating/hook-up sites.  Hasn’t kept me from joining any of them, but I really don’t do anything except look at pictures and read descriptions.  I rarely talk/chat and that is the key to actually meeting someone.  My self-esteem and depression really keeps me from doing more.  Eventually I’ll work the nerve to talk and hook up or go out “on the prowl” to speak.  And I have my FWB that I get with a few times a year.  But that’s about it.  I think eventually I’ll get to the point where I don’t give a fuck about my fears and hang-ups, but by that time I’ll be old (like truly old) and there will be a new set of challenges on why I can’t have sex.