Finally sharing some love on my poor, neglected blog.
It’s a beautiful late winter day here in Seattle and all I can feel is the weight of my thoughts and depression weighting me down. Not even the ones occasional eye candy walking by my or the sun shining down on me can lighten the burden that I’m carrying. Being a pro a depression, I have the mask on tight and (I think) I have everyone at work fooled.
Being at work is suppose to be my sanctuary from my thoughts and problems at home. But I’m not feeling very safe here. In fact, I’m more worried about being fired while Megan is gone to Europe for vacation. The fears are unfounded, but the voices assure me that I will do something and that Ann will get mad and let me go. I really don’t think my psyche would be able to handle it. I wish it was easily put away in my mind.
And mom is not helping. Did she want me to move up here from San Francisco just to watch her kill herself? And here I am with cowardly thoughts that I would be better off when they both die. What kind of son am I to think that. Again, I let my fear have too much control and it’s harder to push those thoughts aside. If only I was braver or more confident in myself and things.
What am I going to do?