It was what I wanted (at the time)

Almost done reading Shades of Blue, the book Brent got me for Xmas.  One story got to me (most of them have got to me in some way) where the writer says that suicide leaves others with no closure. I wonder if that’s what Suzanne was thinking when she broke up with me, giving me the suicide that I wanted (at the time).

**sigh** I’ve learned other things also, like going on medication was the best option for me, even if others like Josef were against it (I was against it too I suppose). Also about having a support system (even if I think it is still pretty shoddy). I done so much, but I still have so much more to do and will always have to do. 

But in regards to Suzanne, I have been able to move on, and yet I will always be looking back and looking for answers that I might never get.