Daily Archives: October 30, 2009

Pre Halloween sickness

Just watched the House episode when he got sent to a psychiatric facility which makes me wonder just how close I am to being sent to a facility.  More than that, it made me wonder about my inability to let go.  To let go of the pain that I have.  To let go of the feuds that I hold on to.  To let go of the guilt that I carry.   All of it is a morass that I wallow in.  And while my therapy is helping me to deal with it, none of it helps me to escape it.  Isn’t there a theory that in order to escape quicksand, you have to relax and let it take over you so you can float out of it….hmmm, that doesn’t sound right.

Resisting the urge to go out and gorge my pain away with some fast food, like I’ve been doing for the last couple of days, weeks, months for a long time it seems.  Still won’t loose any real weight until I get to the gym again.  But baby steps., first I need to starve myself and start eating better and less.  And fight off this cold/flu before it even happens.

Still I’m hurt that…didn’t come over like she said and hurt that she didn’t text or anything.  Guess that is sign enough though.  Maybe it’s the skepticism and wariness that comes with being a Capricorn.  I would have been worthy of your trust, I think, if you would but give it to me.

Anyway, it is past my sleep time, which is sad for a Friday night.  Maybe I’ll stay up and watch a movie or something.  Still haven’t watched In Burges yet?  Or maybe I should just sleep, my body is still aching like I have a cold/flu or something.