Will probably not kill myself tonight…

Still feel tense and sad, but I think that I will live, at least for tonight.

I did can Kaiser and arrange a doctor’s appointments for Wednesday.  I have to go to a chemical dependency councilor first because I told them that I am drinking a half bottle of Jack Daniels a day.  I am not a alcoholic; I could be easily drinking more.

So I took the plunge and bought a freeze with Sang Yup.  It’s small compared to the freezers that I’ve seen (like what my parents have).  But it’s almost too big for our place.  I was going to buy the smallest one, but the next one up was only $30 more, so I went ahead and upgraded.  We got 90 days to return it if it is too big and we want to get the smaller one.  I just hope that I won’t have a problem with Sang Yup and sharing it.  I’m going to assume that he is going to take more space, but as long as I have space for my stuff, I’ll be fine.  Now there’s really no excuse for me to start cooking at home again.  Also worried about the electricity bill and hoping that this won’t jump the bill up too much.  Now that I think about it, we are probably due a utility bill from the landlord, so I should prepare myself for it.

I think that I want to keep track of how many words that I say to Aaron.  So far, it has been one word a day.  Wonder if I can get it to a .5 word/week average.  I’ve been analyzing it daily almost, wondering if it is the depression that is making me feel the way that I feel to Aaron.  But the key thing is that he said that I can’t trust him.  With him saying that, I think that I am justified in treating him the way that I am, because I can’t trust him.  So there is no point in me to reach out to him.

Have to wake up early to go downtown for court.  I’m a witness in the case between my insurance and the guy who ran over my car with me in it, ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO!!!!  **sigh** I hope this will be the end of it.  I might be bias about the case and all, but he did run over my FORD FOCUS with a DUMP TRUCK.  Too me it’s an open and shut case.