Monthly Archives: June 2008

Prozac…

The thing about Prozac (in regards to myself that is) is that I loose all sense of purpose and motivation.  I am just here.  Not happy, not sad, just here.   I just want to stay in bed all day long, not because I’m necessarily sad or depressed.  It’s just that I’m not really motivated to do anything else.  Just typing this entry is hard because I am already starting to lose focus and interest in it.  I think that the only reason that I go to work is because of habit.   I would be late on all of my bills if it wasn’t the fact that most of them are on auto pay.  The cell phone is not however, and I really should sign on and pay it before they cut me off.  I have so many people to call, but most of them are married couples and married couples go to sleep at 9PM on Sunday nights for some reason.  Why is that?

5 million things that I could/should be doing and I can’t think of a single one.

smokescreen…

**sigh** I guess I should stop with the smoke references. Lying in bed (again) listening to my roommates outside. Sang Yup is speaking and I can’t make out what he is saying. All I can hear is the tone of his voice, slow and soft, like a cat’s paw stalking it’s prey. If I only had a voice like that… Then Aaron starts to talk, and while he also has a soft voice, it is loud and rough compared to Sang Yup. At least he isn’t laughing; he has a nasal laugh like Fran Dresher…not as bad but it is a laugh that bothers me. I can pick out bits and pieces of Aarons part of the conversation. And while they are nothing but gibberish, my twisted and corrupt mind pieces together the plot that the two are building to get me kicked out of the house or to exclude me even further. Well enough with my paranoia fantasies…Do I want to get breakfast stay in bed all day. Or do I want to stay in bed all day starving myself, and then slink off in the night to find food.

smoky aftertaste

lying in bed; the smoke from the bonfire still covers me like a sheet, and I can’t get enough of it. I just need the feel the small bruise on my neck where a hickey was placed and a warm body rubbing next to me to make this fantasy complete

smoke gets in your eyes

so I was only waiting for half a Sierra Nevada, which isn’t that long. Bonfire was nice. S’Mores are awesome. Fire is hot. And I know now how I will die if a wall of lava is coming at me.

it was a foggy night…

And Joe was waiting outside Matt’s house for people to come…just sitting outside…in the cold foggy night…drinking a beer…just sitting waiting.

test

phone test