Monthly Archives: September 2007

Forcing it out

I have all of this stuff in my head that I want to spill out, but I can’t.

I mean, I am a college graduate after all.  I have a piece of paper at my parent’s house saying that I am.

It shouldn’t be so hard for me to write down the things in my head.

Why is it so hard to write about…

  • my new car and how I want to mod the hell out of it
  • my hair and how I want to get it braided or something, but I don’t know where to get it done at
  • my computer and how I am catching up on so many movies since I upgraded to Vista Ultimate and have Media Player
  • my computer and how I’m almost a 70 lvl character in World of Warcraft, but I run away and get beat up by lvl 60 characters
  • my computer and how I’m anti-social even in a MMORPG like WOW
  • my job and how I am stuck in a rut and not sure how to get out
  • my life and how I wanted to go to Lovefest but decided that I was somehow too old to go
  • my life and the fact that my attention span is so shot, I can’t even begin to read a book anymore.
  • my life and how I wanted to go to the Ren Faire this weekend, but didn’t, even though I have a $400 investment that is not being used
  • my life and how I somewhat curious about Krupa now that she has stopped bothering me at work
  • my life and how I want to go see Rent in NY on New Year’s Eve, and then go to Times Square to see the ball drop, but know I won’t do it cause I’m scared
  • my life and how how it is so empty, regardless of what I put into it.
  • my cell phone and how I am almost ready to pay $800 for a new phone with features that I will never use
  • my web site and how I really should work on updating it with my Flick-a-Day and Last.FM info
  • my room and how I want to buy a Roomba, but doubt it would be about to push away the mounds of clothes and trash that litter the room
  • my room and how I really want to paint it Celeurian Blue and put up the picture a geisha that I have
  • my health and how I have gained back the weight that I lost due to the 500 Calorie Ice Cream Diet that I have lived the last month
  • my health and how I still haven’t gone to Kaiser after the heart attacks I had last week
  • my health and how pizza is the only thing on my list of things not to eat that I haven’t eaten yet; but am seriously thinking about ordering
  • my past and how I would love to reconnect with my old friends, but don’t know how to build stuff, esp. bridges I burned down long ago
  • my past and how I always wish for one more chance to see Suzanne, but when that chance comes, I let it slip from my grasp.

That’s like 20 topics that I should be able to write at least a 500 word entry for each of them, but I can’t.

I guess I should be glad that I can get 500 words out bitching about what I can’t do

Question of faith…

So I fell asleep while watching The War on PBS HD.

I was at…a show that Amber Price was performing at.  But it could have been at the Ren Faire, because Suzanne Larson was there in costume. I was telling her how my day went, about how grumpy I was today and I was thinking about going back to see a psych. and how empty I felt inside.  I told her how I was trying to find something to fill in the emptiness and how I was using food, porn, and the Internet to fill the emptiness.  How I was worried that I would have to resort to drugs and alcohol.  She asked me if I had tried talking to God.  And I told her how I had gone to all of these different churches, how I had read The Bible and The Koran, how I had prayed to God and Jesus for a sign, for anything.  And I asked her if it was because I was praying with my hands clasped and fingers intertwined instead of having them pointed towards heaven.  She laughed, and I think she was tell me something when a bomb exploded and I woke up.

What was it you were going to tell me?


just upgraded to the latest beta

and am running late for work, as usual

I want to see "Rent" in New York

I think that is going to be my reward if I can survive the rest of the year.  I just want to go to New York for a weekend and see Rent.  It would be so cool to go and see it on New Years eve, and then go to Times Square for the ball dropping.

But I am getting ahead of myself.  First of all I have to stop my life from slowly slipping away from me.  I had chest pains all day long.  And I was really late for work.  And I will probably be late again, since it is 3:30 and I’m still up.  And I’ve gaining the weight that I’ve lost a few months ago.  And I’ve killed my diet this last weekend.  And I think that part of me doesn’t care if I lose my job or not.

But if I can get things figured out and pull myself back onto the correct path, I want to go and see “Rent”

From "You Are Your Birthday" by Ellin Dodge

…cause I like crap like this… You Are Your Birthday
ISBN: 0595141439
ISBN-13: 9780595141432



Concentrate on one thing at a time and cool your impatience.  Your life is intended to be lived in the fast lane – one revolution of the wheels at a time.  Youth offers a chance to rub elbows with independent, inventive, ambitious people, and you learn to aim for creative, artistic and practical goals.  You are dramatic and tend to enlarge your problems.  Your mother is a strong influence and you base your self-esteem on her opinions or subtle reactions.  You’re ego is sound, and only a trace of the “poor me” attitude of childhood surfaces midlife to trigger depression.

Taking orders from anyone but your spouse sets your dander up.  You are a leader who strives  for constant improvements in financial and domestic situations.  Home is your haven, and you feel protective about your family, community, and co-workers.  You are the ruler of your roost and expect to be treated with adoration and concern.  The paternal-maternal instinct is prominent in all your dealings, and you are a just guardian.

A hardworking, driving person influenced your early years and is a mentor in mid-life.  You are too concerned about the opinions of outsiders and are better off when you trust yourself.  A female places responsibility on your shoulders and curbs your freedom mid-life.  Your strong sense of obligation makes it difficult to keep up the pace you set earlier.  However, you are intended to give loving service and accept the changes that are inevitable.

In late years you want to expand your horizons.  You are given the chance to counsel others and leave a lasting mark.

My roommate is a racist…

Or he sounds like a racist when he is trying to explain why he is not a racist.

**edit** My roommate is not a racist.  He’s a good guy that just thinks and psychoanalyses too much

Anyway, roommate “crisis” is resolved.  Gawd, am I the only one that keeps phone numbers and emails.  I mean, my info has not changed since I’ve moved here and people don’t have anything.

**sigh**  Some people think too much and some people don’t think at all.  I am of the latter persuasion.

Went into work to move some of the fixtures.  Totally forgot to clean up my other messes; will have to get in early to do that.

Also went out to a club for a party.  Had some of the best tacos I have ever had.  Also had a lot of drinks and met lots of pretty men and women.  Men and women with lots of ambition.  My only ambition right now is to live day to day.  I really don’t have any dreams or goal or future plans.  It’s sad, but I’m not that sad about it.  I still have time…maybe.

Unfortunately, I was too drunk to drive and I had someone else drive and they gave Sam her first scratch on the driver mirror.  πŸ™  Still, I’m sure I would have done a lot worse if I had driven.

Spending the day doing some much needed laundry and cleaning of the room.  And getting over my hangover.

Oh yeah, I think I dropped my phone in the toilet last night.  Good thing that I am planning on getting a new phone at the end of the month. πŸ™‚

Going to hell

Had a few conversations about heaven and hell today. 

Also just had a few beers…which I have a feeling will hit me in the morning.

I think it is love and what we do with love decides on if we go to heaven or hell.

(95.2543977 * 11.6) + 879 = 1983.95101?

What is the amount of calories it takes to animate this pitiful body of mine daily?

I need to cut 500 calories out of my diet.  Goodbye Ice Cream Sandwiches…**sniff**

another meme…(Game Of Thrones)

Your Score: House Tyrell

45% Dominant, 63% Extroverted, 18% Trustworthy


Vivacious. Gregarious. Dangerous. Slightly gay. Not to be trusted, you are of House Tyrell.

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Worshipping the capitalistic gods…

In my continuing spiral of spending money after the Ren Faire this weekend, I went ahead and bought a Logitech DiNovo Edge Keyboard:


Normally $200, I read on the Internet how Best Buy was clearing them out in stores.  Some places has low as $40.  In Chico, they are selling for $59.  I was able to get my for $109, which is still a nice deal for me. The Joe Rogers Home Theater PC is one step closer to completion.

It is a sexy beast.  The question is: Can I play World of Warcraft with it?