Written Journal Entry (Sometime in August 2006)

Four hot ladies working at Starbucks, and of course one of them reminds me of Suzanne.  Just the height, I think.  Also surprised to see not one, but two black people inside.  But I’m not really playing Spot The Minority right now.

Didn’t walk as far as the last two days.  My shoulder is pretty sore for some reason.  it’s the bed.  I just can’t go from my super soft, pillow top bed to the hard guest bed.  Well, a few more days and I’ll get back to my wonderfully soiled bed (I think it’s soft, but I have bad handwriting at times). 

Other than the bed softness, I feel pretty good.  I feel refreshed and reenergized.  I feel ready to go back to work…well almost ready.  I am not ready…to let Suzanne go.  If anything I want her back in my life.  I wish I knew how.  Should I just drive up to her house and confess my love to her?  Or should I just stay away and try to move on, even though it seems that I can’t.

I should at least post an ad on craigslist or something.  Or have Josef do it for me.  What could I say in an ad…

32yrs, 6′ tall,SBM average build.  Work at a college. Likes reading, music, going out, or being a homebody.  Looking for some one to complete me.  Don’t know what I’m looking for really, just want someone to help me find it.

Yeah, that’s going to get me lots of replies.  I need to go out more.  But I hate going out alone.  Catch-22?

Do people still pick up on people at bars? I wouldn’t know since I’ve never did that.

I wish I could talk to my ex’s, if only to get their help in coming up with a date ad.  although that could be a potential bad idea.

I wonder about my old friends.  Actually I don’t.  I think that I am…content that most gave up on me.  Not surprised is probably the better word.  I am surprised that Mew and Amber still call me.  I don’t think that it will last much longer though.  I’m still not sure why I did what I did.  TO ease the pain one less thing to hide behind?  One less thing to compare myself too.  I did it so that I would stop using them to make me feel less about myself.  I wonder if that’s why I keep Brent around, someone who is worse off than me?  Well, he’s not anymore considering he has a house now.

If someone can love me then I can love myself.

I wonder if I could really get a house?

Need to find out how much left to pay for my teeth.  Hopefully not too much.

Need to figure out new workout routine.  Focus on abs & pecs

Need to figure out how to work and go to the gym.  Do I want to go in the mornings, or right after work.

9-10am Gym   10-9pm Work

11-9work  9-10pm Gym

Either way, I’m going to be dead tired.

$5304 saved year w/o car

something to think about

**sigh**  I should start walking back home and walking some of these calories off.  Besides, I really need to finish the manual.