You’re Gay!

So has part of my dealing with depression, I have started to listen to “inspirational” songs on my way to work in the morning. Not a tape or a CD of someone telling me, “I deserve good things, I am entitled to my share of happiness. I refuse to beat myself up. I am an attractive person. I am fun to be with.” (to quote Stuart Smalley). No, I’ve just been listening to my CD’s on the way to work. However, instead of listening to sad love songs like I used to do, I’ve been listening to “uplifting” songs, like Wind Beneath My Wings. Except that I’m not listening to Bette Midler. No, I’m listening to Christina Aguilera. Yes, I’m listening to Christina; excuse me X-Tina **eye roll**. The point is that I am listening to these two songs (lyrics below) in an attempt to give myself some self esteem and to help with my depression. And it’s not working. But I can’t stop listening to these two songs. I think the real point that I wanted to get is that after 2 months of theropy, I don’t feel like that I have made any progress with myself. I know that I have to stick with it and I plan on doing that. However, I guess that I thought that I would be showing some kind of progress. Some kind of visible or measurable progress. I don’t consider keeping myself busy and working late everyday at work real progress. I’m still the same depressed, lonely, suicidal, pinning for his ex-girlfriend (<----just for the record, it took me 5 min just to type that), waste of air, sorry sack of bones that I was before I started. Anyway, I should get back to work. And Oprah, I am STILL PISSED AT YOU. O.K. X-Tina motivational lyrics...


Soar
When they push, when they pull
Tell me can you hold on
When they say you should change
Can you lift your head high and stay strong
Will you give up, give in
When your heart’s crying out “that is wrong”
Will you love you for you at the end of it all
Now in life there’s gonna be times
When you’re feeling low
And in your mind insecurities seem to take control
We start to look outside ourselves
For acceptance and approval
We keep forgetting that the one thing we should know is
Don’t be scared
To fly alone
Find a path that is your own
Love will open every door
See in your hands the world is yours
Don’t hold back and always know
All the answers you will unfold
What are you waiting for
Spread your wings and soar
The boy who wonders, is he good enough for them
Keep trying to please them all
But he just never seems to fit in
Then there’s the girl who thinks she’ll never ever be
Good enough for him
He’s trying to change and
That’s a game she’ll never win
In life there will be times when you’re feeling low
And in your mind insecurities seem to take control
We start to look outside ourselves
For acceptance and approval
We keep forgetting that one thing we should know is
Don’t be scared
To fly alone
Find a path that is your own
Love will open every door
See in your hands the world is yours
Don’t hold back and always know
All the answers they will unfold
What are you waiting for
Spread your wings and soar
In the mirror is where she comes
Face to face with her fears
Her reflection looked forward on to her
After all these years
However how she’s tried to be
Something besides herself
Now time has passed and she’s ended up
Somewhere else with regret
What is it is that makes us feel the need
To keep pretending
Gotta let ourselves be
Don’t be scared
To fly alone
Find a path that is your own
Love will open every door
See in your hands the world is yours
Don’t hold back and always know
All the answers you will unfold
Don’t wait no more
Spread your wings and soar
Find your road
Love will open every door
See in your hands the world is yours
Don’t look back in the window, you’ll find your way
Always know all the answers will unfold
Oh don’t wait
Spread your wings and soar
Don’t wait no more
You’ve got to soar
Spread your wings and soar
Don’t wait no more
No don’t you wait no more
Spread your wings and soar
You’ve can soar
So what you waiting for
Don’t wait, Don’t wait
Soar

Keep On Singing My Song
Oohhh, Yeah, Oooh Huh
I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
& Nobody’s gonna bring me down today
Been feeling like nothings been going my way lately
So I decided right here and now that my outlooks gotta change
That’s why I’m gonna
Say goodbye to all the tears I’ve cried
For everytime somebody hurt my pride
Feeling like they won’t let me live life
& Take the time to look at what is mine
I see every lesson completely
I thank God for what I got from above
I believe they can take anything from me
But they can’t succeed in taking my inner peace
They can say all they wanna say about me
But I’m gonna carry on
Keep on singing my song
I never wanna dwell on my pain again
There’s no use in reliving how I hurt back then
Remembering all of the hell I felt when I was running out of faith
Every step I vowed to take was towards a better day
Cos I’m about to
Say goodbye to every single lie
& All the fears I’ve held too long inside
Everytime I felt I could try
All the negativity I had inside
For too long I’ve been struggling. I couldn’t go on
But now I’ve found I’m feeling strong and moving on
I believe they can take anything from me
But they can’t succeed in taking my inner peace
They can say all they wanna say about me
But I’m gonna carry on
I’m gonna keep on singing my song
Whoa, & everytime I tried to be what they wanted from me
It never came naturally
So I ended up in misery, wasn’t able to see
All the good around me
They wasted so much energy on what they thought of me
Simply just remembering to breathe
I’m human, I ain’t able to please
Everyone at the same time, so now I find
My peace of mind living one day at a time
I’m human and I answer to one god
It comes down to one love
Until I get to heave above
I’ve made the decision
Never to give up
Til the I day I die no matter what
I’m gonna carry on & keep on singing my song…..
(They can’t take anything from me)
I believe that they can do what they wanna.
Say what they wanna say
(They can say what they wanna)
But I’m gonna keep on
(Keep on )
I believe it
That they can take from me
But they can’t take my inner peace
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Say what you wanan say, but I’m gonna sing my song
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah