Storm clouds ahead…

Am actually feeling a bit blah and down right now for no apparent reason. Actually, I think that I do know why.

**warning, tropical depression Suzanne is up ahead, you’ve been warned**

The anniversary of Suzanne’s break-up with me is coming up this month. While she has moved on, I am more or less in the same position. It was like when I was with her, time had stopped and I was enjoying a perfect
moment in time. Like that whole stopping time in that Star Trek movie (was it Insurrection?) Anyway, now it seems that the world is just going past me and I’m stuck standing still. So if I’m more moodier than usual around the end of the month, you’ll know why.

I’m sure that Dr. Phil, Adam and Dr. Drew, friends and family, would tell me that I need to start dating and move on. What the fuck, they have told me this; well I haven’t called Dr. Phil or Love Lines yet (O.K., I did call Love Lines, but didn’t get through.) I think jokingly one time, I predicted it would take me 20 years to get over Suzanne, using the fact that it took me 2-3 years to get over April and we only officially went out for 6 months (but the 5 year chase was epic)

The fact is, I have no idea on how to start dating. My mom and Barry have made a part time hobby of finding girls and suggesting ladies for me.
Luckily Mom is two states away and Barry hasn’t started giving out my email address or emailing them my naked pictures. (Or maybe he has, and that’s why I haven’t heard from them.)

It’s all about moving on and making a change, right. Well, I’ve moved to Pacifica. Taken her off the cell phone, deleted her off my address book, kicked her out of my IM list, blocked her journals and website on my computer, taken her pictures off of my computer. Maybe I should get rid of the car; it is in our names. Need to mail the CD with her emails, IM’s, and pictures, her drawings, and other
memorabilia up to the parents house so it can be placed next to April’s stuff. A shrine of lost loves that I can go and visit once a year, place my candles and offerings, and walk through the memories.

Today after work, I went to a hill and just kinda looked out over Pacifica. It was a beautiful day today, the sun was just shining over the waters has the paragliders and hangliders floated lazily over the
water and Fort Funston. Anyway, for some reason, I stated thinking about the
literary meaning of water; doesn’t it mean time and timeless? I vaguely hear Cobene the bastard telling me this in English 4. And I wonder if that is the reason that I moved to Pacifica, to try to find some kind of place that is timeless, or at least that is slowed down. Or is it a place that I can hide within the fog, hills, and valleys.

Anyway…going to sleep in a bit. I have dreams and fantasies to loose myself in for the next 6-8 hours; it’s the only thing I have now.

[Listening to: After All {Love Theme from Chances Are} – Cher; Peter Cetera – If I Could Turn Back Time: Greatest Hits [Geffen] (04:04)]