Daily Archives: June 30, 2003

Am actually feeling a bit blah and down right now for no apparent reason. Actually, I think that I do know why.

**warning, tropical depression Suzanne is up ahead, you’ve been warned**

The anniversary of Suzanne’s break-up with me is coming up this month. While she has moved on, I am more or less in the same position. It was like when I was with her, time had stopped and I was enjoying a perfect
moment in time. Like that whole stopping time in that Star Trek movie (was it Insurrection?) Anyway, now it seems that the world is just going past me and I’m stuck standing still. So if I’m more moodier than usual around the end of the month, you’ll know why.

I’m sure that Dr. Phil, Adam and Dr. Drew, friends and family, would tell me that I need to start dating and move on. What the fuck, they have told me this; well I haven’t called Dr. Phil or Love Lines yet (O.K., I did call Love Lines, but didn’t get through.) I think jokingly one time, I predicted it would take me 20 years to get over Suzanne, using the fact that it took me 2-3 years to get over April and we only officially went out for 6 months (but the 5 year chase was epic)

The fact is, I have no idea on how to start dating. My mom and Barry have made a part time hobby of finding girls and suggesting ladies for me.
Luckily Mom is two states away and Barry hasn’t started giving out my email address or emailing them my naked pictures. (Or maybe he has, and that’s why I haven’t heard from them.)

It’s all about moving on and making a change, right. Well, I’ve moved to Pacifica. Taken her off the cell phone, deleted her off my address book, kicked her out of my IM list, blocked her journals and website on my computer, taken her pictures off of my computer. Maybe I should get rid of the car; it is in our names. Need to mail the CD with her emails, IM’s, and pictures, her drawings, and other
memorabilia up to the parents house so it can be placed next to April’s stuff. A shrine of lost loves that I can go and visit once a year, place my candles and offerings, and walk through the memories.

Today after work, I went to a hill and just kinda looked out over Pacifica. It was a beautiful day today, the sun was just shining over the waters has the paragliders and hangliders floated lazily over the
water and Fort Funston. Anyway, for some reason, I stated thinking about the
literary meaning of water; doesn’t it mean time and timeless? I vaguely hear Cobene the bastard telling me this in English 4. And I wonder if that is the reason that I moved to Pacifica, to try to find some kind of place that is timeless, or at least that is slowed down. Or is it a place that I can hide within the fog, hills, and valleys.

Anyway…going to sleep in a bit. I have dreams and fantasies to loose myself in for the next 6-8 hours; it’s the only thing I have now.

[Listening to: After All {Love Theme from Chances Are} – Cher; Peter Cetera – If I Could Turn Back Time: Greatest Hits [Geffen] (04:04)]

Actually, they are fireworks. I really need to pick up some up. Need to get at least some sparklers for Drake. Decided to go up to Tracy to see Dan and family for 4th. Should be good times, since I haven’t seen him and family in a long time. And it will be good to be around family, even if it isn’t my own. But I’ve known Dan and Jen’s families for years now. I guess the key thing is that I won’t be alone.

Fallout of the inventory is starting to come in. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to kick back like I thought I would. I have to help fix UPC corrections. Luckily, my list is only 12 pages long. Yay me. Anyway, I won’t be taking the 3rd off like I wanted too. And I’ll probably be staying late again. The fun just never stops.

Speaking of work, am worried about something else. This guy who worked there got laid off today. On inventory, he was spreading rumors that I was hitting on him and that I had fucked some one-eyed girl that worked there. Neither of them were true, in fact I can barely stand the guy. He’s such a smooth talker and charmer and I had yet to see him do any kind of work. Well, I told Amber about it and I also confronted it. Anyway, he was let go today. I did not threaten to get him fired, although the thought of giving him a threat did cross my mind. However, all I told him was to not mess with me and to stop spreading
rumors about me. Well, he had friends in the General Book dept. and in Loss Control and I’m worried that this will get political. And I’m worried that I’m going to be blamed for his
firing. Office politics are never fun; had to deal with it at Baskin Robbins. That was an ugly
episode that destroyed friendships there. Granted, I’m not buddy-buddy with either department, however I don’t want this to get ugly. Maybe I’m just over-analyzing it too much. Besides, I got enough work on my plate to handle. I guess I will just hold and see what happens. Actually, I should talk to Tim about it; he’s one of the oldest employees at the store and he might be able to find out what people are saying.

What else? Horoscope for today:

Family issues play an important role in your day today, dear Taurus. Speak from your heart and tell your closest of kin how much they really mean to you. In general, you might be feeling a bit reserved with your energy. Don’t feel like you have to make any great strides just now. It is more a time in which you can enjoy what you have worked for. Kick back and reap the rewards of all your hard work.

Which is just a reminder that I need to mail off my dad’s b-day card and call them.