If tomorrow you found out that you and your partner had just conceived a child, how would you react? How do you think it might change your relationship?
(**note: Since I am single right now, this is all assuming that I was having this child with Suzanne.**)
Hmmm, first thought would be to ask some of my friends this question since, they have more experience with this than I do. 😉
I honestly don’t know how I would feel. I’m thinking I would probably be scarred and stressed about it. Not exactly in the best position in my life to be having a child; but then again, is anybody really ready for a child. Anyway, I would be shitting bricks, but trying to put myself together. The dreaded telling of the parents (actually I could see my mom doing cartwheels), finding a place closer to live, buying baby stuff, going to the grocery store to buy ice cream and pickles, Lamaze classes, the eventual birth. So my first reaction would be one of fear and uncertainty. However, I would overcome that (I would have to overcome it) because this child would be the new focus in my life. No more thinking of myself as the center of the universe, or thinking of us as the center of the universe. I would have to give up all of my selfish thoughts, and give my all to this new child of ours. I mean it is easy to say all of this right now, but if the situation ever occurred, I would like to think that I would have the strength to survive and not run away.
At one time in my life, that was my ultimate goal in life was to have a child. I knew I would have reached the pinnacle of my life with the birth of my daughter, Vanessa (yes, I had a name picked out and everything. I even have oak Victorian baby furniture picked out.) However, I gave up that dream for someone who I love, and ironically, we are not together anymore. And now that leave me in a moral dilemma. Who is more important, the woman who you could spend your life with, or the child that the two of you could have? If I was willing to give up having a child for someone, could I ever be a good parent?
This would have definitely changed our relationship, since Suzanne if fiercely anti-child. I think part of her would accuse me of getting her pregnant on purpose, just to have a child. Actually, I know at one point she would blame me for this, even though it takes two to tango, as they say. This was a situation that we never wanted to get to, although at times we took some unnecessary risks. Both of us would have had to grow up quickly and leave behind the last of our childish behaviors that we clung too. I know for a fact that we would be in it together though. I would never let Suzanne go through this alone; guys’ abandoning their children is something I have never or will ever understand. I don’t know if she would want us to be married or not. Actually I think I would hold off on marriage. We were reaching that point (or so I thought we were), but I wouldn’t let this pressure me into marrying her.
I’m pretty sure that an abortion is out the question. I’m pro-choice, however I don’t really believe it (If I was carrying the baby, I would not have an abortion). Has for adoption, I don’t know. I wouldn’t want too, but if I couldn’t help support them (and I’m talking working 3-5 jobs, roof over their heads, and food on the table, and changing the diapers every other night), then I guess I would consider it.
When it’s all said and done, I look at my friends who have children. I know at times it has been tough for them; some of them are raising their children on their own. But I look at them and I look at their children, and they have done a wonderful job in raising them. And if they can do it, I would be able to do it.
A 40-something rediscovering life in California