Monthly Archives: November 2002

I honestly think that I

I honestly think that I am losing my a-cup man boobs. Yay! O. K. Need to get off computer and get ready to go. Weather report from Port Orchard, WA – 34 degrees. San Francisco, CA – 55 degrees. Better make sure to dress warmly.
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**yawn** 1 1/2 hour until

**yawn** 1 1/2 hour until the start of my vacation….I hope Mike remembers that he is giving me a ride to BART. He’s forgetful like that. Anyway, I think I am all packed. I forgot to goto the library to get books, so I’m debating whether to bring some of my own books for the plane ride or buy a magazine at the airport. Looking over my book collection and there is nothing particular I want to bring. I haven’t read any Anne Rice in a while, but I think that my Vampire Lestad is up in Washington. I forgot to check with my brother Eric to see if they have a SonicCare toothbrush up there. Guess I’ll load up the charger for that. I am bringing up a lot of crap. I also brining up Xmas cards to do. Like I am going to have time to do all of this stuff. I’ll probably send the whole time playing PS2. Yeah, right. What else? Conversations with mom should be lots of fun, esp. ones about Suzanne. O. K., I need to jump into the shower; it’s going to need time to tackle the afro on my head.
**side thought** Boston public has to be the most dangerous school in the world. I swear, it seems that there is a riot or the police is there in every commercial.
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O. K. Done trying to

O. K. Done trying to update my web site. Will try again when I get back
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Have been trying to update

Have been trying to update my site for the last hour, but stupid FrontPage is being stupid. Maybe it’s time for me to junk the program and start coding the damn site myself.
Poop
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Went and saw Suzanne (Oh no he didn’t….)

Oh yes I did….
I said a couple of days ago that I wasn’t going to talk about Suzanne anymore but fuck that. The whole point of having this is so that I can get my thoughts and emotions out in the open. And fuck it I love her, so if I want to talk about her I will. So there 😛 Now that I have finish arguing with my psyche….

So I went to the laundry mat to wash my sheets and blankets, cause I figured that it would be a good time to do them. If they didn’t dry completely, I could leave them in my room to dry. So I had brought along the Book of the Angelica, which is what I call this book of letters that Suzanne wrote to me but never sent when we had broken up before. I had started writing my own book of letters, called the Book of the Diabloique, which I was going to send to her when I was done. I started to read what I wrote and a lot of it was the same stuff that Suzanne had written about me in the past. So I tore out everything and condense everything into about 3 pages. I was writing all of this out trying to turn the emotions in my heart into words and just doing a terrible job at it. I finished it and then just decided to go up to Antioch to give it to her.
Driving up to Antioch was kinda scary cause it is the first time that I have driven over the bridge and out the city since we have broken up. The entire way I was just a wrecked case of nerves. I just kept having this vision that I would get to her house and she would be there kissing some guy.
Anyway, I make it to her house. Pull myself together and knock on the door. Her sister, Kimberlee answers the door, but I saw her in the kitchen. God she still looks beautiful. It wasn’t like she was dressed up or anything. They were in PJ’s dyeing Kimberlee’s hair. Still, it was so good to see her again.
So, I got caught up on the family and stuff, got introduced to all of the new cats that they have (the number is like 8 or 9 now) and then we went to her room to talk. We are still not back together. She is discovering herself and is happy right now being alone. She let me hold her in my arms. **sigh** It felt so go, so right. It was like time had stopped and I had been given a reprieve from the pain that I have been going through. I wish that I could have never let her go.
I guess most of all I am glad that she is happy. And that in itself makes me happy. I still wish that there was some way of convincing her to get back with me. I told her that I am going to wait for her, she kept on saying no, but I am not going let her go. I love her so much, she is everything to me. But I understand what she has to go through. I have tried to do the same thing before and failed. So I will wait for her, and maybe I’ll do a little soul searching myself. But I will be here waiting for her to return.
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What a ride…

Something must have been in that chicken soup, cause I had fucked up dreams all night long. It was either that or the vitamin that I have. I never did finish the post that I wanted to do.
**yawn** Well, today I def have to pack and clean my room. I’m thinking that I will go to the laundry mat to wash my sheets and blankets.
I wish that I had taken some before/after pictures of myself. I don’t think that there would be any difference, but I just feel like I’ve lost some weight and gained some muscles. I woke up this morning and wish that I had someone to take a picture of me cause I felt that I was looking really sexy.
**yawn** Well, I need to throw some clothes on and start unpacking my new suitcase so that I can fill it up. When I’m not traveling, I use it to store all of my memorabilia and junk.
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Current music: Dixie Chicks – Cowboy Take Me Away

So stupid me decides to

So stupid me decides to take my vitamin after I shower. Of course vitamin makes me sick to my stomach. Must remember to take vitamin on full stomach, or at least have something to go with it. Anyway, was able to cook a bowl of soup and get it in my system before I passed out.
Just finish watching Dogma. Good movie. Semi thinking about watching Fight Club next, but I think that I will wait until tomorrow and watch The Witches of Eastwick, to keep with the heaven/hell theme.
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Mom is not going to be happy with the hair…

But I don’t want to cut it too soon cause I am going to a wedding on Jan 4th. Will cut it sometime next month before I go and visit them again.
**sigh** Still, she isn’t going to be happy.
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Got back from working out

Got back from working out and talking to my friend, Mew. Her contract job got renewed until may-June of next year. Still waiting on her to get the pictures that she took when I was down there online.
One more day until my vacation and I have yet to get ready in any way. Think that I will procrastinate until tomorrow. Need to empty out my new suitcase and load it with dirty clothes. Also need to print out my ticket. I can’t wait to see my family again.
What else? Decided to delete my live journals since it has been 3 weeks since I last posted. I have a month to change my mind, but I think that I might be done with it. This journal gives me the same benefits without the presence of others hovering over me. And for the moment, I am still unlisted. She, along with every other single person I seem to know, has rebounded nicely and is dating again. O. K., so I don’t know if she is dating or not, but she is talking to other guys. Meanwhile, I am doing the opposite and being miserable. O. K. change of topic…
I stink. I really worked out today. Am going to take a shower and probably doze off. Actually, I have an entry that I should work on before I sleep, just so that I can say that I tried to post something other than surveys or my incessant whining.
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A sample of the icons for California on a directory search

5 Brittany Spears icons
3 Brittany Murphy icons
only 1 Christina Aguleria and only 1 Mariah Carey icon
also only a single Justin timberlake, one green day, one Ryan Starr (I think she was from American Idol.)
I think that three of the Backstreet boys are represented : J Chasez, Joey Fontane (well his girlfriend is represented) and there is what appears to be a crotch shot of AJ McLean(I think that’s the one with the drug problem.)
There are a whole bunch of other teeny bopper guys icons that I don’t recognize. They all look the same (white guys with blond highlights)
Only two Buffy icons (Buffy and Tara)
8 cartoon icons (including my own Sinfest one); 4 are anime ones, one is Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes and one is a My Little Pony.
We got one punk chick that I am liking just cause it is different from everything else.
20 icons are animated in some various way.
1 icon is kinda sad looking
1 icon needs to shave her mustache
1 icon is really hot looking
1 icon is really hot looking getting out of the shower
1 icon is sleeping
2 icons show kissing; one straight and one lesbian
1 icon of a baby…it might just be a doll, cause it has the bluest eyes that I have seen.
18 people with no icons
and 1 icon of a guy with face paint on looking all crazy like.
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