Not a bad Tuesday to

Not a bad Tuesday to go with the nice Monday. Bought the guys lunch to pay back them buying me lunch on and off for the last month or so. Cheese steaks….mmmmmmmm.
Did not have a good night’s sleep last night. It could be cause my bed wasn’t made and I slept on something. It could be cause of the earlier time that I tried to goto sleep. Or it could have been the work out. Regardless, it was a very bumpy night in bed for me. Hopefully tonight I will sleep easier.
This is the second night that I have not looked at live journal or even April’s journal. Think that it is easier this time cause I am on Blurty. Even though Blurty sucks cause of all of the stupid fake celebrity journals. **sigh** Anyway….I think that this is a good thing. I can be free with my thoughts than I have been in a while. I know it is just a matter of time before somebody finds this journal. But still, I have time.
I have a dream in the midst of all the tossing and turning. I dreamt that I showed up for Tess’s wedding cause Suzanne is the maid of honor and she was going alone. So I had to basically beg Tess and Suzanne that I would be good and not ruin anything. So I sat though the wedding and afterwards, Suzanne and I were dancing and talking about the ceremony and I said something to the effect that I wanted to marry her. So we went off to a garden and I just got everything all off of my chest. I told her how much I loved her and that I wanted us to try again with our relationship. I told her how I didn’t have much and I realize how I needed to pick a direction to go with my life and that I wanted her to be there with me and that if I had a ring, I would propose to her right now, but I didn’t, all I had was my undying love for her. She said that she would think about it and we kissed. Then I left.
**sigh** Tess and Suzanne would probably KILL me if I just popped up at Tess’s wedding, so that is def. out of the question. Anyway, talked to Lesa and she gave me the usual move on, other fish in the sea. And I’m sure Angie is worried about me, that’s why she’s taking me out to see Harry Potter to get me out of the house. And maybe I’m in a “getting over the girlfriend” phase. but I don’t want to get over her.
There is this game that I used to play called Samurai Shodow 3. There was this character called Basara that was some tortured soul who came back to life to get revenge on the person that killed him and his girlfriend. Anyway, after you won a match with him (it was a fighting game, like Street Fighter) the ghost of his girlfriend would float around him. He would reach out to try to touch her, but she would disappear and he would throw his head back and scream. That’s how I feel, like her ghost is all around me and when I reach out, she disappears….
Current mood: sad
Current music: